


Sleep on the Floor

by e_keshet



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Bottom Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Eventual Smut, F/F, Homophobic Campbell, M/M, Road Trip, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Top Sam Eliot, a bit of angst, ish, just btw, mostly - Freeform, the lesbeans will come much later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-05-13 06:45:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_keshet/pseuds/e_keshet
Summary: It’s always been Grizz’s plan, since he was old enough to realize that liking boys was a problem. He would keep his head down, graduate, move away for college and never speak to anyone from high school. Ever again.At least, that was the plan, until he starts failing math in senior year and needs a student tutor. At first, he hates the idea, and hates to look like a dumb jock. But the tutor is Sam Eliot, who he's been crushing on for years. Will this knock his whole plan off the rails?AU with no alternate universe. It's going to be pretty long, so buckle in! Used to update weekly, but life happens, so now it updates when I can find time to write.Talk to me @ekeshet on Tumblr!





	1. Grizz

**Author's Note:**

> hey! gonna be real here, this is the first fic i've ever written, but i'm gonna do my best to stay loyal to it and update regularly!  
> the chapters will be alternating points of view. currently it's just going back and forth between Grizz and Sam, but as it goes on i might have some from Becca, or go a few in a row from the same person, etc. We'll see how it develops :)
> 
> And if you like it please comment, I'd love to hear what you liked and if you have any feedback!

Mrs. Harrison places the test on Grizz's desk face-down with a sympathetic smile. Same as the last three tests. Which is a terrible sign, and definitely means his grade in the class has plummeted since he last checked. He takes a deep breath and turns the test over. Red pen covers most of the paper, and on the top is a big _63_ , and a note - _See me after class_. Wonderful.

He struggles to focus for the rest of the period. Sure, grades aren’t everything, but try telling that to his parents. Thank God they don’t understand technology well enough to check his grades unless he shows them. And how’s he supposed to get into a good fucking college if he can’t even pass statistics?

There’s one more, superficial reason it bothers him. He knows everyone thinks that because he’s on the football team, he’s just a dumb jock. It also has to do with most of his friends being the football players who are, admittedly, really stupid. He’s guilty by association. In anything other than math, he kills it. He loves his world history class and his literature class, and he’s one of the best in FFA. But math keeps dragging him down.

After an eternity, the bell rings. Last period, over. He texts Jason to tell him he can’t go to Waffle House with the team after school and ignores the responses making his phone buzz incessantly as he goes to Harrison’s desk. He stands there awkwardly while she sorts through some papers and finally looks up at him with a disappointed, motherly look. It’s a bit annoying.

“Have a seat, Gareth. Are you busy this afternoon?”  
He pulls up a chair in front of her desk. “No, ma’am.”  
“So,” she says. “Your test grades have not been the best recently.”  
He doesn’t say anything. He keeps his gaze on a jar of pencils. Harrison sighs.  
“I know you’re a smart kid. You’re very smart. This is just a rough patch, but we can get you through it. I’ve signed you up for peer tutoring, and you’ve already been matched up with someone willing to tutor you once a week.”  
Oh, God. “Who is it?” he asks, looking up.  
“I don’t remember what they said...Sky or something? He’s a senior too. He’ll be here in a few minutes and I’ll go so you guys can work. I really think this will help you.”  
Grizz nods silently. “Thank you,” he says after a moment, almost inaudible. This was gonna be embarrassing.  
“Of course,” she says. They sit in silence until the door opens.

And dammit, it’s Sam Eliot. Grizz grins like an idiot and waves him over.

Sam is perfectly nice, of course, but that’s the problem. Grizz has kept a safe distance from him for years. Not out of spite, but because since middle school he’s had an overwhelming crush on the guy. And he really can’t afford a crush right now. Not until college.

Sam probably wouldn’t like him anyway, even though he is gay.

It doesn’t matter.

Sam smiles and pulls up a chair next to him. "Hi, Mrs. Harrison. I'm the tutor," he says, signing as he speaks.

"OH, Sam! I haven't seen you since you were in my class!"

He shrugs apologetically. "Sorry, I always forget to visit."

"It's alright, hon. At least I know Grizz here is in good hands..." Grizz feels his face get hot. She doesn't seem to notice. “Well, I’ll just be going then. Go through some past tests and practice what we learned in class today,” she says. "Have a good weekend."

"You too, ma'am," they say as she leaves the room.

Sam sets a pile of paper and a calculator on the table in front of them and turns to look at Grizz. His eyes are so pretty… Jesus, this would be painful.

“You probably figured it out, but I’m Sam. She said Grizz, right?” he asks.

Grizz nods and tries to swallow his nerves. “Yeah. I need help with, uh… everything, honestly. I’ve failed the past few tests, I just don’t get it.” He speaks slowly so Sam can read his lips.

“Can I see the tests?” he asks. Great. Of all the people that he would have to give evidence of his stupidity to, he would’ve preferred anyone other than Sam. But he surrenders the tests. Sam examines them for a while, circling a few things. Grizz tries to calm down. This didn’t matter. Nothing could happen anyway.

“I think a lot of it is simple mistakes or just not knowing certain formulas and equations. We can fix that,” Sam says. He gave an encouraging smile. “What do you want to work on first?”

“The most recent one, I guess. I need to retake all of them to get them up to 70s. Or try to, at least.” Sam looks sympathetic. Grizz feels like he’s gonna have a heart attack.

They’re there for over an hour, going through every problem he got wrong on the tests until he thinks he can actually do them without help. And of course, Sam was right, he was making stupid mistakes or forgetting how the equations worked. He also learns that Sam is in calculus already, and now Grizz has another reason to wish he was better at math.

“You’re nice,” Sam blurts out as they’re leaving.

Grizz looks at him, confused. “Thanks?”

Sam seems embarrassed. “Sorry, that came out of nowhere. It’s just- I sort of expected something mean. The other football players aren’t very nice to me, is all. So, thanks.”

For a moment, Grizz sees red. What the fuck are they doing to Sam? He slams his textbook down on the desk harder than necessary, rattling it. Even Sam could tell he was angry.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything bad about your friends,” Sam said quietly.

Fuck, now he thought Grizz was mad at him? “Are they hurting you?” he asked, but Sam was looking down. Grizz got his attention and repeated himself.

“It’s nothing.”

“Sam-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Sam.” Grizz grabs his shoulder. “The next time any of them say or do anything to you, tell me, okay?”

Sam stares at him for a moment, then quietly, “Okay. Thank you.” Grizz takes a small step back, realizing how close he had been, and Sam gently takes his hand off his shoulder. With the wave of anger passed, the feeling of Sam’s hand on his own is a bit too much to handle. He jerks away, and immediately feels bad. But he doesn’t have anything to say. Sam just looks a bit sad.

“Do you need a ride home?” he offers.

“Yes, please.”

Grizz forces a smile and picks his textbook up. “Come on.”

The drive is mostly silent besides Sam giving the directions to his house. But then as he pulls into the driveway, Sam asks if he wants to go to one of their houses next week. Grizz freezes.

“For what?”

“For tutoring?”

“Oh. Right, sure.” Get it together, Grizz. Sam sighs a little.

“Grizz- I know it bothers some people that I’m gay, but I’m… I’m not trying to get in your pants or anything. Being friends would be nice. It’s just, just so you know. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

Grizz let his head fall back and his eyes shut. He keeps fucking up. First he makes Sam think he’s gonna take the side of his asshole friends, and now Sam thinks he’s homophobic. And thinks he doesn't want Sam trying to get in his pants. The irony isn’t lost on him.

Sam is still looking at him. Grizz takes a deep breath before saying, “Look, I know I keep acting weird, I’m just dealing with some stuff. You don’t bother me at all, okay? I’d like to be friends. You can come over next week. I’m sorry for acting weird, it’s not your fault.” Not entirely the truth, but not a lie either. It wasn’t Sam’s fault he was so fucking endearing. Now he has a big smile on his face, and Grizz can’t help but smile back.

“See you next week,” he said. Sam nods, still smiling, and leaves for his front door.

He’s still got a nice ass.

And Grizz is still having heart palpitations from being around Sam. How the hell is he gonna survive being in his bedroom with him?


	2. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROTECTIVE BECCA and possible foreshadowing for much later owo  
> ok so likeeee i said i'd post this tomorrow but i wasn't busy today so i went ahead and wrote it, pls enjoy!  
> i like writing from Sam's POV more than i thought i would tbh  
> also the texts between him and becca are purposefully terrible any typos are just authenticity i'm not actually actually illiterate

It's Friday, which means no homework, which means the first thing Sam does when he gets to his room is text Becca on Instagram. Which is what he does anyway, regardless of the day or the amount of homework, but that's not important.

_sammy.eliottt: becca guess what_

_beccgelb: is it an explanation for you not texting me earlier_

_beccgelb: i thought u died_

_sammy.eliottt: yes actuaally_  
_i had to tutor someone_

_beccgelb: a cute someone??_

_sammy.eliottt: … that’s besides the point_  
_he’s on the football team_

_beccgelb: bitch im gonna kick his ass_

_sammy.eliottt: no listen_  
_hes never done anything to me_  
_hes nice_

_beccgelb: the bar is fucking underground_

_sammy.eliottt: let me finish_  
_i kind of mentioned what the other guys do and he got really mad and said to tell him if it happens again_  
_also it doesn’t bother him that im gay and im going to his house next week_

_beccgelb: fuck him_

_sammy.eliottt: do u mean in the you hate him way or the i should fuck him way_

_beccgelb: have his babies_  
_wwait who is it_  
_It's not luke rigbt_

 _sammy.eliottt: ok no_  
_and also no_  
_it's Grizz_

_sammy.eliottt: visser_

_beccgelb: oh he CUte cute_  
_have his babies_

_sammy.eliottt: he plays football_

_beccgelb: dont stereotype_

_sammy.eliottt: im ignoring u now bye_

Sam turns the buzzer off, throws his phone under his pillow, and turns on Netflix for one of his and Becca’s favorite hobbies: hate-watching Riverdale. He’s not fully focused on it, missing half the captions, but it doesn’t really take more than half a brain cell to watch it, so he isn’t really concerned. He keeps getting distracted by his own thoughts. About Grizz, specifically.

He hits the off button for the TV, accepting that he isn’t paying attention at all. Becca wasn’t wrong about Grizz being cute. He was… really cute, to be honest. He had a dorky smile and that ridiculous tiny ponytail.

But he also already promised him that he wasn't trying to get into his pants. Which by extension means he won't try to get into his… Emotional pants, or something. His heart? Anyway, dating and fucking were both off-limits.

And ruining a friendship with one of the few non-homophobic guys in the school, not to mention one who can protect him, is a pretty shitty idea. So he tries to keep the mental image of Grizz's smile out of his head.

Unfortunately, his head isn't exactly on the same page as him.

***

On Saturday, Becca spends the night. She eats pizza with his family for dinner, talking casually with his parents and signing so he can keep up with the conversation. Sam's always grateful for when she comes over, mostly because she's his best friend, but also because it makes Campbell a little more bearable. Most people, even Campbell, seem less eager to be rude to Sam when Becca is around. Unless she's threatening everyone behind his back, he's not sure why everyone is scared of her.

After eating, they escape to his room, and Becca lunges for the remote to turn on Riverdale. Then she looks at him, highly offended.

 _You watched an episode without me_ , she whines in sign language. _What if I missed something super important?_

He gives her an "are you kidding me" look.

 _It was punishment for telling me to have Grizz's babies,_ he signs.

And suddenly she has a huge grin on her face. _Oh my God, I forgot about that. Have you texted him?_

Why'd he have to remind her? _I don't have his number. And he's not on insta._

_You checked?_

_Shut up._ He reaches out and covers her hands. She sticks her tongue out and wrestles her hands away.

 _I'll still kick his ass if you want_ , she signs, face serious. He laughs. _Thanks, Bec._

So for just a little while, they watch Riverdale (she forces him to re-watch the episode she wasn't there for), and they don't talk about Grizz. Or think about him. As much, at least.

***

On Monday, he wakes up to an all-caps text from Becca to remember to get Grizz's number. Sometime this week, he replies.

He floats through his classes that day on a cloud of Grizz-related thoughts.

Maybe that's why he wasn't on guard like he should've been after school. Especially in an empty hallway.

He doesn't notice that they're behind him until there's a hand on his arm and his face hits the wall. He grunts and falls to the ground, cradling his head in one hand. He can feel blood dripping on his fingers.

There's a kick to his ribs that he can barely feel through the adrenaline high. He looks up through his fingers to see Clark and Jason standing over him, laughing and talking to each other, not looking at him. Then there's Luke, off to the side, chewing on his lip and looking guilty. Sam tries to make eye contact with him, to ask silently for help as another kick hits him in the side.

It works.

Jason says something to them. It looks like _"Hey, aren't we supposed to be going already?"_ Whatever he said, it works. The other two barely spare him a glance before walking off, besides not-so-subtly kicking his legs as they pass.

Luke is still standing there. He holds a hand out to Sam, who reluctantly takes it and stands up.

 _I'm sorry_ , Luke says.

Sam just nods, still holding his head. Luke looks like he's run out of things to say and with a final sympathetic expression, he follows after his friends.

Sam sighs and finds a window to see his reflection. It isn't as bad as it had seemed. A small gash over his eyebrow and an ugly bruise just under his eye.

He picks up his backpack from where it fell when they pushed him. He checks the front pocket and, luckily, finds his phone in good condition, even if he isn't. He'll tell Becca later, but for now he just puts his phone in the pocket of his jeans and walks out to the parking lot.

Where he sees Grizz.

Talking to the other guys.

Before he can duck back into the school, Grizz sees him and waves like one of those car lot balloon men before jogging over to Sam. His eyes narrow as he gets closer and sees him holding his face.

Sam doesn't resist when Grizz reaches up and gently pulls his hand down. He sees the same flash of anger in his face as he had on Friday.

 _Was it them?_ he asked.

Sam looked down and nodded. "Two of them. Not Luke."

Grizz gives his hand a quick squeeze before turning around and, assumably, yelling at the top of his lungs at Jason and Clark, who were standing by Grizz's car. They're all talking fast, and Sam can't make out what they're saying. He moves up closer to Grizz to try to see.

_He never did anything to you! Get another ride home, assholes._

_Are you for real, Grizz? This is so stupid. Do you just want us to say sorry or some shit?_

_Fuck you. Get away from my car._

Throwing their hands up, the guys back away and walk somewhere else, maybe another friend's car. Grizz turns back to Sam, examining his face, his eyebrows knitted together.

_I have a first aid kit in my car._

Sam smiles weakly. “Thanks.” He follows Grizz and leans against the side of the car while the other boy cleans the gash on his forehead and puts a bandaid on it. Grizz being so close to him, touching his face so gently, is almost overwhelming. Sam realizes he's holding his breath and tries to calm down as Grizz finishes up.

 _Are you hurt anywhere else?_ Grizz asks. As if on cue, Sam feels dull throbbing in his ribs and winces.

"Just bruises," he says, gesturing to the general area. Grizz shakes his head and mutters something that looks like _"assholes."_

Then they're just standing in silence by the car. Sam isn't sure what to say. He usually isn't this awkward. Grizz is staring at his feet, rocking back and forth.

 _Do you want to come over? Not for math or whatever, just to… hang out?_ Grizz asks. His face is up so Sam can read his lips, but he's barely making eye contact. The spectacle of this socially awkward jock is adorable, and Sam tries to smile, but it hurts to move his face much.

"That'd be great," he says, and now he's back in Grizz's passenger seat, trying to convince himself he isn't screwed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a kudos and maybe a comment if you enjoyed it'll make my day :)  
> check regularly for updates im obsessed w this series right now i cant stop writing


	3. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's update time bitches  
> yes this is the third update this week and what about it  
> also maybe this is just me but listen to  
> i dont care - ed sheeran  
> and  
> call you mine - the chainsmokers (yes, i am white)  
> and tell me it doesnt remind you of these babies

Grizz keeps glancing to the right at Sam while he’s driving. He’s trying to be subtle, and he knows it’s not really working, but luckily Sam is busy texting someone and doesn’t notice.

He really wants to hold his hand.

He really needs to stop thinking about that.

When they get to the house, he swings the door open and announces to the house that he has a friend over. He doesn’t actually see anyone there, but his mom’s around here somewhere.

“Alright, have fun,” she calls from another room.

“Yeah, we’ll be in my room, see you later,” he says. He turns to face Sam so he can read his lips.

“You can leave your shoes and stuff down here and we can go upstairs,” he says, gesturing to help get the point across. He’s been practicing some sign language this past weekend, but none of those words have come up yet. Sam nods and smiles, dropping his backpack and kicking his shoes off by the door. Grizz makes sure he’s following him before heading upstairs.

Sam looks around as they enter Grizz’s room and he suddenly feels self-conscious of the piles of clothes and empty Gatorade bottles. He was planning to clean it up before Sam came on Friday, but this had come up suddenly, and now Sam probably thought he was a slob.

“I’m sorry it’s a mess,” he says, throwing himself on his bed.

“No worse than mine,” Sam says. He’s looking at Grizz’s bookshelves above his bed. “Have you actually read this stuff?” he asks. Grizz squints at the stack he’s pointing at. _The Prince, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Dante’s Inferno._

“Haven’t gotten all the way through _Fahrenheit 451_ yet, but yeah.” He watches as Sam pokes around through the rest of the books on that shelf, then turns to look at Grizz with a smirk. “You’re a nerd.”

“You’re tutoring me in math,” he counters.

“Different kind of nerd. You have plant identification manuals and literary classics.”

“It’s a valuable skill!" he says with mock offense. "And they’re classics for a reason.” Sam laughs, and Grizz can’t help smiling. His laugh is so cute.

Stop thinking about that, Grizz.

“Sam!” He waves to get his attention again. Sam looks at him, confused. Trying to concentrate, Grizz signs “hello, how are you?” as best as he can remember.

Sam still looks very confused, but more entertained. “Was I supposed to understand that?”

He must’ve done it wrong. “I was trying to learn some sign language. See, look...” He pulls out his phone to show Sam the website he's been using. Sam starts laughing.

“What?”

“This is BSL - it’s British. I use ASL.”

“Shit, they’re different?” Dammit. All, like, five signs he learned are now useless.

Sam laughs again. “Why are you learning it? Are you planning on going deaf?” he asks.

“Uh, no. It's- it's so I can talk to you.”

“But I can read lips," he says, bemused.

“I know, I just wanted to talk to you, like, in your language.” It sounds really dorky out loud, saying he’s learning a new language just to talk to him when Sam can already understand him. But he really wants to. And it’s probably a bit too obvious that he likes Sam, but at least Sam seems pretty oblivious.

“Oh.” Sam looks surprised and touched. He’s smiling, and it’s a shame that Grizz can’t kiss him. He feels like he’s gonna combust.

“I can teach you,” Sam says. “But then you’d be teaching me this and math, so that’s not fair,” he says. He’s only half-joking.

Sam slides in next to him on the bed, just a few inches away. His cologne smells great. Grizz may die.

“If you let me teach you sign language, then you can teach me about plants and whatever else you think I should learn.”

It’s really fucking hard to focus on what he’s saying. “Knowing how to tie good knots is important,” he blurts out. Sam’s eyebrows go way up and his eyes dart to the headboard and back to Grizz. Grizz knows his face is definitely bright red. He looks away, keeping his eyes on literally anywhere except Sam’s face. The wall is now _fascinating._ “Like, for making shelters. Okay, something else… Oh, I’m good at cooking!”

“I’m shit at cooking. I could burn water,” Sam says.

“Perfect! I’ll teach you to cook. With plants that aren’t poisonous.” Great save. So smooth, Grizz. Save the bondage kink for the imaginary future. Even though knots are legitimately a valuable skill, dammit.

Sam snorts. “Sounds great.”

They sit together on the bed for nearly three more hours, half normal conversation and half Sam trying to teach Grizz the alphabet in ASL. He keeps practicing until he can sign both of their full names, and Sam looks proud of him. Seeing Sam look at him like that is killing him.

Then Sam's phone is beeping beside him on the bed, and Sam doesn't seem to notice, so Grizz points it out.

"Shit," Sam says.

"What's wrong?"

"My brother's here to pick me up. I didn't even tell him I was going anywhere…" His face is screwed up in annoyance and possibly worry. And probably pain, too. That bruise still looked bad. Also, why was his brother following them? That's creepy.

"I'd better get going, I'm sorry." He pushes off the bed and starts to open the door.

"Oh," Grizz says. Well, obviously he'd have to leave at some point. And he had neglected homework to do anyway. "Nah, I'm sorry for keeping you here so long. See ya."

Sam smiles at him one last time and Grizz melts. "See ya," he says, waving and closing the bedroom door behind him.

He waits until Sam was gone to throw himself back dramatically on his bed again.

He is in sooo fucking far over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u enjoyed pls tell me so i can love u  
> also if you want oneshots of another pairing just ask and ye shall recieve im currently unable to stop writing (read: give me an excuse to write f/f. also there will be lesbeans in this story much later lol)  
> unless its a ship involving campbell and anything other than death lol


	4. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrelated song rec: house key by scott helman 
> 
> anyway this one isnt super focused on grizz and sam together because sam actually does have a life and i love writing him and becca
> 
> also random note. I found out that gelb is a pretty common Jewish surname and Becca is now Jewish I don't make the rules I just enforce em they'll be getting lit for purim soon
> 
> more grizz and sam interacting next chapter dont worry luvs

In Grizz's driveway, sure enough, is Campbell leaning against their car and waiting for Sam. When he hears Sam come out, he smiles, but it's like every other time Campbell smiles - shark-like and dead behind the eyes. And Sam definitely feels like prey.

 

 _Hey little bro,_ Campbell signs as he speaks. _Was wondering where you were. This isn't Becca's._

 

 _I have other friends,_ Sam signs, getting in the passenger seat and slamming the door. He sees Campbell laughing as he slides in behind the steering wheel. _Really? And who is this friend?_

 

 _Grizz,_ he mutters. He’d rather not have Campbell know who any of his friends are, because to Campbell, it just adds characters to the twisted puppet show he has going on in his mind, deriving enjoyment from pulling everyone’s strings.

 

Campbell raises his eyebrows and starts driving. To talk to Sam, he turns his face towards him to read his lips but keeps his eyes on the road. It looks uncomfortable, but Campbell will do whatever he needs to bother him. Like following him to people’s houses, apparently. _Ooooh, a boyfriend,_ he mocks.

 

Sam glares at him. _He’s just a friend._

 

He gives Sam an incredulous look. _No straight guy around here would be hanging out with you, fag. Who did that to your face?_

 

It’s not like Campbell doesn’t call him that pretty regularly - when their parents aren’t around, or aren’t looking at Campbell’s hands - but every time the word feels like a punch in the stomach. And Sam knows it’s no use fighting against that. That’s not the hill he wants to die on with Campbell.

 

So he ignores it. _I fell. How the hell did you find me, anyway?_

 

 _You shared your location with me a while ago, dumbass._ Right. Sam makes a mental note to turn that off when he gets home, and stares straight ahead for the rest of the drive home, ignoring Campbell.

 

After dinner, full of lying through his teeth about falling really hard and answering questions about his day, he escapes to his room and tries to forget Clark, Jason, and Campbell. Tries just to focus on Becca and Grizz. The fact that Grizz has been trying to learn sign language for him, even if he got it wrong, is kind of bizarre. Sure, they’ve sort of met before, but after just one day of tutoring he decides to learn a new language? Seems kind of unrealistic to learn a whole language for any new person. Sam’s been friends with Becca since third grade and he doesn’t know Yiddish, even though that’s what her parents use half the time. But really, why complain about having one more person being easier to talk to?

 

He pulls his phone out to text Becca - and turn off his location - and finds 3 texts from her already.

 

_beccgelb: omg ur in his car?? interesting  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) suck his dick_

 

He forgot he had sent her a sneaky picture earlier of Grizz driving. The angle was terrible, since it had been taken quickly from Sam's lap, but of course Grizz was still somehow adorable. His hair had been up in that tiny bun. Sam wants to think it was stupid, but it's too cute. 

 

_beccgelb: i assume by the fact that ur not responding that ur getting laid_

 

_beccgelb: dont get gregnant_

 

_sammy.eliottt: still a virgin, sorry to disappoint_

 

He decides to save the "I got beat up again" "I will literally snipe them" conversation for tomorrow. He doesn't want to think about it more than he's already forced to every time he moves. He's kind of afraid to see how bad his ribs look.

 

_beccgelb: did u guys hang out_

 

_sammy.eliottt: ya_

_he's trying to learn sign language_

 

_beccgelb: omg he loves you_

 

_sammy.eliottt: shut up he's just being nice_

_and why don't we ever talk about you_

 

_beccgelb: he met u for like a day and decided to learn it, u have known me for… some amount of years and never learned yiddish for my parents lmao u have met them like a thousand times_

_and talking abt me isnt as fun_

 

That makes him smile. It's a testament to that amount of years that their thought processes are near identical.

 

_sammy.eliottt: they also speak English tho_

 

_beccgelb: this may come as a shock to u but u also speak english and read lips_

 

_sammy.eliottt: that's what I told him idk_

_said he wants to talk to me in my own language_

 

_beccgelb: it means he luvs u_

 

_sammy.eliottt: a n y w a y_

_do u have the math hw I didn't write it down_

 

There's some part of him that believes Becca. That someone like Grizz could have a crush on him. But there wasn’t really much evidence, it was just Becca getting in his head. Grizz just happens to be a genuinely nice person, and like Becca said, the bar is fucking underground if he’s using other guys from school as a baseline. He’s a good friend, and while Sam loves Becca and Allie to death, there’s something nice about having a friend that wasn’t a girl.

 

Maybe it was the fact that Grizz isn’t trying to set him up with Grizz. Becca and Allie had made it their life mission since Becca told Allie, and Sam has a sneaking suspicion that Allie was partially using it to distract Sam and Becca from her own crush on Will LeClair, but it didn’t really matter how much energy they poured into it.

 

Nothing was going to happen between him and Grizz.

 

***

 

The next day, Campbell drives them to school like usual, and makes sure to shove in more snide comments about Grizz and imply that Sam being beat up is some kinky thing, which almost makes Sam want to jump from the moving vehicle. Or somehow crash just the driver’s side.

 

He’s grateful that it’s early, because in the dim dawn light it’s hard for other people in the parking lot to see his messed up face as he leaves Campbell to find Becca in the cafeteria.

 

As expected, she immediately goes ballistic when she sees Sam.

 

 _What the fuck?_ she signs. _Who did that?_

 

 _Who do you think?_  he signs, sliding onto the bench with her.

 

 _Clark and Jason again? I will literally kill them,_ she says. If you could actually yell in sign language, she was doing it. People walking by moved to dodge her hands.

 

 _Grizz yelled at them,_ he says. She looks surprised, and then relieved. Maybe a little sad. _You’re still my favorite bodyguard,_ he signs. It makes her laugh, which means he’s gotten past Ballistic Becca Mode. Then Allie shows up, and he has to go through it again. She’s scarier than Becca when she’s angry, because she just goes quiet. You’d believe Becca would kick them in the balls, but with Allie you feel like you’ll have to bury someone soon. It takes a few minutes for her to simmer down.

 

The rest of the day involves avoiding questions from a few other well-meaning people and teachers, but there’s not much avoiding the stares of people in the hallway.

 

At lunch, they get their food and go to Mrs. Detrick’s classroom as always, a sophomore teacher that was like everyone’s second mother and therapist. She let people in her classroom all the time, for any reason. Sam, Becca, Allie, and sometimes Cassandra always hug her and then spend lunch in her roomy storage closet, because Becca and Allie claim the cafeteria is too loud and gross. It’s definitely gross, but Sam can’t really attest to the noise level. A storage closet doesn’t sound appealing either, until you realize it’s Detrick’s, so it’s full of bean bag chairs and rugs. And there’s less people, which is always great.

 

 _Have you decided on college yet?_ Becca says, her hands full as she sits down.

 

 _I think Southern Connecticut,_ Sam says.

 

 _Dude, you got into NYU and you want to stay in Connecticut?_ Allie signs.

 

 _I don’t need to spend extra money on a slightly fancier degree,_ he signs. _Where will you go?_

 

 _I’m a junior,_ she points out. _And I don’t want to think about the future._

 _I’ll be all alone at NYU,_ Becca signs.

 

 _Not true,_ Allie says. _Sam might abandon you, but you can make friends._

 

Sam rolls his eyes. _You act like it’s any more than two hours away. I’ll visit you._ Even as he says it, it’s still a pain in his chest that he won’t see these two every day. Making new friends was a bit more difficult for him than most. It’s hard to tell anyone that he’s a good listener without cracking up.

 

He knows that he’ll be fine, but he still doesn’t want to be without Becca and Allie. It’s already March, Jesus. In just four months, everything would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always if you enjoyed leave a kudos and pls comment itll make my day and i will love u


	5. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to put it on the record now that if jewish!becca becomes a popular headcanon i want credit
> 
> EDIT: ON THE OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM THEY MADE BECCA JEWISH I'M GONNA SCREECH
> 
> also shoutout to the real-life Mrs. Detrick who is literally exactly like this except without beanbags (the closet is still lit tho) i love her and could go on for hours about this amazing woman 
> 
> also also we all know grizz is someone who types in complete sentences with correct punctuation so that is a stylistic choice and i stand by it

It’s now Wednesday, and Clark and Jason have been ignoring him since Monday. Yesterday at lunch, the three of them sat in broody silence while Luke made desperate attempts to spark conversation. 

 

Lunch period was getting closer, and honestly, he wasn’t looking forward to repeating the situation.  

 

He also hasn’t talked to Sam since he left on Monday. He’s purposefully avoided texting him, because it feels like everything he does is amplified by a million. Like anything he says or does that has to do with Sam is a dead giveaway. On some level, he knows it clearly isn’t, but it’s still hard. 

 

But goddamn, he doesn’t want to sit with those guys again today. So he texts Sam, hiding his phone behind the book they’re supposed to be reading. 

 

_ Me: Hey, this is Grizz. Can I sit with you at lunch today?  _

 

_ Sam <3: yea sure  _

_ we go to detrick’s room so meet us at the cafeteria and we’ll leave from there _

 

_ Sam <3: is smth wrong? _

 

_ Me: Nah, Clark and Jason just aren’t speaking to me.  _

 

_ Sam <3: oops _

 

_ Me: It was worth it.  _

 

The bell rings, and Grizz makes a beeline for the cafeteria, peering over heads to search for Sam and Becca. He spots them on the other side of the crowded hallway and tries to get through without pushing anyone. 

 

“Hey, guys,” he says, falling in step next to Becca. He waves across her to Sam, who smiles and waves in return. 

 

Becca's eyes get huge. “Are you eating with us today?” she asks. 

 

“Yeah, I asked Sam, if it’s okay with you…” He isn’t sure if he’s overstepped some sort of boundary. 

 

“Oh, that’s great!” She does seem to be actually happy he’s there, though he isn’t sure why. He hopes she doesn’t have a crush on him. While theoretically flattering, he’s so tired of pretending to be interested in girls. “You know we eat in the closet, right?” she asks.

 

He does a double-take. It doesn’t seem to be a joke. “What?” he asks, like a genius. 

 

“Like, Detrick’s back room.”

 

“Oh, okay. Yeah.” He needs to stop being paranoid. She gives him a weird look like she knows something he doesn’t and leaves to get in line for nachos while Sam splits off for the chicken nugget line. He follows Sam.

 

“Thanks for letting me eat with you guys,” he says. He’s trying to sign along with it. He’s been watching videos on YouTube, of ASL this time, trying to get better. 

 

“No problem. That was good, you just had one word wrong,” Sam says, and shows him the corrected sentence. 

 

Grizz signs it back. “Like that?” 

 

Sam smiles. “Perfect.”

 

They get their food and link back up with Becca, who has found Allie, and Grizz trails behind them as they lead the way to Detrick’s room. Though everyone else seems to know and love her, Grizz never actually had her as a teacher, so he’s curious to see what this is like. 

 

The girls barge in first, followed by Sam, and then Grizz. The class all has computers, and some seem to be researching like the board says they're supposed to, but most of them are goofing off. There’s one group of boys gathered around a Nintendo Switch. There's a large group of girls in a very passionate game of UNO. Detrick, a small middle-aged woman, is sitting at her desk and ignoring the chaotic room, talking to two girls who seem to be explaining some drama on Snapchat while Detrick nods sagely. 

 

Sam, Becca, and Allie put their trays down and interrupt the students by snaking around to hug the woman. 

 

“Hey babies!” she said, reaching over her desk to hug each of them back. Grizz hung in the rear of the group, but she notices him and flashes a welcoming smile. “A new face? What’s your name, sweetie?”

 

“...Gareth.”

 

“That’s not what people call you, is it?” Why does it feel like this lady already knows him?

 

“People call me Grizz.”

 

“That’s adorable. Nice to meet you, Grizzly Bear,” she says, shaking his hand and pulling him into a hug, too. “Alright, go eat.”

 

Grizz follows the others into the closet. He’s taken aback by the fact that it’s more of a small, long bedroom connecting two classrooms. There’s a fridge and a microwave, bean bag chairs, and a few tables and chairs. In the back is one set of shelves dedicated to actual school-related storage.

 

“What does she teach?” he wonders aloud, climbing into a bean bag next to Sam. 

 

“Human geography. I can’t believe you’ve never met her,” Allie says around a bite of chicken sandwich. 

 

He shrugs. “She seems nice.”

 

“No kidding. She does at least one big charity project every year, like remember the clothes drive last fall? And she’s like, everyone’s therapist,” she says.

 

“I know, like, four people who have come out to Detrick before their friends or families,” Becca adds. Grizz makes a mental note of that. His parents were definitely useless, if not actively the opposite of supportive. He realizes that Becca and Allie both sign smoothly while they speak. He wishes he could do that.

 

Sam kicks her foot. “Four?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Not going to introduce me?” he jokes. And wow, that feels like a punch in the gut. Not that he thought Sam liked him anyway, but still. Ow.  

 

“They’re girls, Sam,” she says. 

 

“Nevermind.” Allie laughs. Sam ignores her and continues, “There was that pregnant girl a few years ago, and Detrick was the first person she told at all. She gave her a bunch of old stuff from her own kids and like, teamed up with some other teachers to buy her a stroller and stuff.”

 

“If I get pregnant, I’ll come directly to her,” Grizz deadpans. It gets a laugh out of Sam, which makes him smile. 

 

Becca and Allie both look like they’re going to burst at the seams, like they want to say something but can’t. Grizz hasn’t missed the fact that they’ve been exchanging glances the whole time he’s been around them, stifling giggles, and Sam’s been shooting them death glares. If all three of them are in on something, and won’t say it, then it has something to do with him, right? It’s hard to figure out if one of them has a crush on him, or if both of them secretly hate him but are keeping it lowkey for Sam’s sake.

 

The four of them eat in silence for a while, and then - “Oh my God, Grizz!” 

 

He looks up at Becca in alarm. “Yes?”

 

“Do you want to come celebrate Purim with my family on Friday? Cassandra and them come every year,” she says, gesturing to Sam and Allie. 

 

“Purim? That’s ‘get fucked up until you can’t tell anyone apart’ day, isn’t it?” He only knows a little about Jewish holidays, and also didn’t know Becca was Jewish until like, 10 seconds ago. 

 

“Great explanation, but yeah. Most people here haven’t heard of it,” she says. “We make great food. Teeechnically, it’s tonight and tomorrow, but we always have our little party on Friday night.”

 

“That’s against shabbat,” Sam says, smiling.

 

“That’s against shabbat,” she repeats, mocking. “We’re barely religious. Anyway, can you come, Grizz?”

 

“Sure, of course. That sounds great.” Maybe they don’t secretly hate him. There’s still definitely something going on, but what the hell is it?

 

When the bell rings to signal the end of lunch, the girls wave goodbye and then split in opposite directions down the halls. Sam waits for Grizz before he leaves, and being alone with him makes Grizz’s heart flutter a little, but he knows it’s just politeness. 

 

“Sam?” He makes sure Sam is facing him before he goes on. “This was great, but… Do you think they’re acting weird?”

 

Sam looks a little exasperated and Grizz worries for a split second that it’s his fault until Sam says, “Yeah. They try to set me up with every guy I talk to, don’t worry about it.” Grizz is so caught up in trying to follow Sam’s signing that he almost doesn’t catch what he’s saying. 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Sorry if they made you uncomfortable,” he says. 

 

Be cool, Grizz. “Oh, it’s fine, I just didn’t know what was going on. I need to, um, get to class. Math test tomorrow.” He forces a smile and squeezes past Sam through the doorway. “We’ll see if you’ve helped.” Awkward as fuck, but he actually does have to go. And if he stayed any longer he’d probably end up saying something really stupid, like,  _ do you not want to be set up with me?  _ or accidentally come off as homophobic again. How was he so bad at being gay that the gay guy had thought he was homophobic?

 

At least Sam does actually want to be friends. At least he doesn’t hate him. But then, Grizz thinks, it’s actually kind of worse. Like a slower form of torture, forever pining after someone who will always be just a friend. It’s at least easier to hate someone if they hate you. 

 

It’ll be better in college. Barely anyone from here wants to go to Southern Connecticut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love u all and when u leave comments it brings me immense joy thank u 
> 
> if u want to yell at me or beg for spoilers or just be buddies or something then hmu on my spam on instagram @boneless.gelato (message me first i dont accept totally random requests lmao) 
> 
> thanks guys i love u


	6. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall dont even know how pumped i am that they made becca jewish 
> 
> actual chapter note...when it's in italics, it's either:  
> another character speaking that sam cant hear  
> sam or someone else signing  
> texts
> 
> actual quotation marks:  
> sam actually speaking  
> (or in one case it's not but you'll notice its not dialogue)
> 
> ...  
> anyway pls enjoy the chapter and also listen to kiss the boy by keiynan lonsdale. and watch the music video it gives me the uwus.

Becca has to talk to her photography teacher about something the next morning, so Sam texts Allie to say he’s going to talk to Detrick.

 

_allie cat: aw ok tell her i love her_

 

_Me: of course_

 

The classroom is mostly empty when he gets there, a few students there early and Detrick eating a breakfast burrito at her desk. He goes up and hugs her, and she jumps a little before hugging him back.

 

_Sam! Hey, sweetheart! What’s up?_ she says and signs with a big smile. Detrick was one of the few teachers that went through the full effort of learning sign language for him so he could follow along in class as easily as other students, and he always appreciated it.

 

_Just wanted to come by and talk to you,_ he replies. _Allie said to tell you she loves you._

 

_Aw, tell her I love her too._

 

He drops into the chair next to her and turns down the offer of a bite of burrito.

 

_Mrs. Detrick,_ he says, and then isn’t sure how to continue. He doesn’t actually have a specific question, he just needs a Detrick Talk. She makes any situation better.

 

Right now, she’s staring at him expectantly.

 

_I like a boy,_ he signs quickly. Her eyes widen and she clasps her hands together in excitement. Then she gasps and her hands jump to cover her mouth.

 

_Is it that boy you brought in yesterday?_ she asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

 

He sighs. _Yeah. He’s straight, though._

 

She looks skeptical. _Let’s say he’s not._

 

_Even IF he isn’t-_ she grabs his hands and cuts him off.

 

_He seems sweet. You should give it a shot._

 

The thing is, he really wants to believe it. Really wants to believe that he would have a shot with half the school’s wet dream varsity football player. Grizz could have almost any girl he wanted. He’s seen him with girls before, in passing, that he had seemed to be dating. There was never any indication that he had any interest in guys.

 

Detrick seems to sense his doubt. _What’s the worst that can happen if you ask him?_ she says gently.

 

_He hates me and joins up with the other football players to beat me up._

 

_Do you really think he would do that?_

 

He shrugs. She gives him a Look. _No,_ he admits. “Maybe I will. Just not right now, we kind of just became friends.”

 

_Love at first sight!_ she says, flinging her arms in the air.

 

“Infatuation,” he corrects.

 

She brushes him off. _Well, whatever you want to call it, use protection. And if anything goes wrong, I’m here for you._

 

He’s had enough weird conversations in this classroom that he doesn’t even blush at that, just rolls his eyes. _I’ll keep it in mind._ She’s no better than Becca, Jesus. But she does have a point. Even if Grizz isn’t interested, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that would hate Sam or cut him off if he found out Sam liked him.

 

With that comforting thought, he hugs Detrick goodbye and leaves for first period.

 

***

 

His phone buzzes as he leaves school that afternoon.

 

_grizzly bear: I got a B on my math test!_

 

That brings a smile to his face. At least his tutoring actually helped. Grizz hadn't come to lunch with them today, so he didn't get to ask if he felt prepared.

 

_me: yay!!_

_also whats ur costume for tmmrw_

 

_grizzly bear: My what?_

 

_me: u need a costume for purim_

_im spiderman_

 

_grizzly bear: Shit, I don’t have one._

_Are you busy? Let’s go buy something._

 

_me: hell yes_

 

He’s probably spending an unhealthy amount of time with someone he wants but can’t have, but fuck it, he loves being around Grizz. He sends a quick text to Campbell saying to go home without him, and to his parents that he’s hanging out with Grizz again. Then he heads out to the parking lot to find him.

 

Grizz seems to be in a great mood, probably because of the math test. He's got this adorable dopey grin on his face and Sam can't help smiling every time he looks at him.

 

When they get to Party City, it's totally barren. Grizz goes up to an employee that Sam thinks is a freshman from school, who makes a face when Grizz asks where they can find Halloween costumes.

 

_It's… March,_ she says, but at Grizz's insistence takes them to the costume section.

 

_Damn, the selection sucks,_ he says. It's true. Of the small amount there is, a majority of it looks like kid sizes. And Grizz is like, over six feet tall. Sam can picture Becca in his head saying to climb him like a tree.

 

_It's March,_ she repeats.

 

_And?_

 

She has a distinct "I don't get paid enough for this" look on her face, and leaves them be.

 

Sam offers him a boys' Batman costume. _I can probably fit one leg in that,_ Grizz says while signing.

 

_How about a fireman?_

 

Grizz inspects the costume that he's pointing to and shrugs. _I'll try it on,_ he says, and disappears into a fitting room for a few minutes.

 

He comes back in a barely fitting fireman's jacket and pants that don't reach his ankles. He shakes his head.

 

The same thing happens for the next three costumes.

 

While he's trying on the fourth, a Stormtrooper suit, Sam's phone buzzes while he's in the fitting room.

 

_grizzly bear: hlep imstuck_

 

Sam stifles a laugh when he opens the door to find Grizz standing hopelessly with a Stormtrooper helmet, jeans, and no shirt. That's the peak of fashion.

 

"Is the helmet stuck?"

 

The helmet nods. He can't see Grizz's face through it.  

 

"Why did you put the helmet on before the shirt?"

 

_H-e-l-m-e-t l-o-o-k-s c-o-o-l,_ Grizz fingerspells slowly.

 

Sam shakes his head and grabs the helmet on either side. Grizz's hands fly up to grab Sam's arms so he doesn't fall, and Sam is suddenly very aware of how close he is to Grizz. Who is shirtless. And tall. And really hot.

 

He takes a deep breath. “On three, I pull up and you go down, okay?” The helmet nods again. “One, two, three!”

 

He yanks the helmet up as hard as he can and Grizz comes out, losing his balance and stumbling into the bench behind him. He's laughing, and it makes Sam laugh too, and a happy Grizz with no shirt is something he'd never get tired of seeing. So he tries to soak it in, because he doubts he'll get to see that often. 

_I don't think I want to wear that to the party,_ Grizz signs when he stops laughing.

 

"Probably not," Sam agrees.

 

_The pants are too short on this one too, I already tried them._

 

"Have you tried not being so tall?" he asks.

 

Grizz rolls his eyes, and then gets a look of sudden realization on his face. _I need a costume with a skirt!_ he says. _Then it won't be a weird length._

 

Sam thinks that seeing Grizz in a skirt might be the end of him, but he agrees and helps him pick out a women's cheerleader costume. He disappears into the fitting room again and comes out in a bright red and white crop top and a matching skirt that only reaches halfway down his thighs, and he's waving pom-poms. The costume is definitely terrible, but seeing Grizz's abs and thighs and muscular arms is doing things to Sam that he doesn't want to think about at the moment. He crosses his legs and tries to keep a neutral expression.

 

_This is humiliating,_ Grizz says, lowering his pom-poms.

 

Sam shrugs. "Only if you think of it that way."

 

Grizz twirls around in front of a nearby mirror.

 

_Is this a family-friendly costume?_ he asks.

 

"Allie was a sexy nurse last year," Sam says, smirking. "Anything goes."

 

With a final scrutinizing look in the mirror, he turns to Sam with a grin. _I'm gonna be a cheerleader._

 

The cashier is the same girl from earlier, who again looks annoyed as they pay for the costume. _Did you find everything you're looking for?_ she asks with a forced smile.

 

_Yep_ , Grizz tells her, grinning and striding out of the store. Sam follows him out to the car.

 

_This was fun,_ Grizz says, smiling at him from the driver's side.

 

"Yeah," Sam says softly. His conversation with Detrick is echoing in his head. There's a small, glimmering possibility that Grizz could like him back. That he would say yes if he asked. It's like when he's at the beach looking for shells, and he can see a good one just at the edge of the water, half covered in sand and always being pulled back by the waves. Always just out of reach.

 

But now doesn't feel like a good enough time to try to grasp at that shell. Grizz drives him home, they agree to meet at Sam's place for tutoring the next day and talk about the party, and no one says anything out of the ordinary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i see yall that comment all/most chapter(s) and i love u with my entire heart 
> 
> also can u believe im writing like 1500 words a day WHERE is this energy when i need it for essays in school smh my head


	7. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slight wait! i got a new job and had to google some things for this and it's a bit longer than my other chapters (it's like 1 sentence away from being 2000 words). but enjoy purim!!!!  
> also grizz and allie had a cute as frick friendship in the show so best believe it'll be showing up

Sam’s parents seem overjoyed to meet Grizz when he goes home with Sam for tutoring the next day. They’re a bit overbearing, but kind, offering him things to eat or drink (which Sam refuses for both of them on the grounds of “saving room for Becca’s party”) and asking him how school is going. Grizz suspects that Becca and maybe Allie have been the only friends Sam’s had over for a while, and maybe his parents are just excited that he’s branching out. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t have other friends; he’s a nice guy that knows plenty of people, but it was clear that Becca and Allie have been his closest friends for years. They were a nice little trio.

 

Grizz feels kind of ashamed thinking about that, because the only reason he knows it is because of his low-level crush on Sam for all those years. He’d gotten weirdly observational, from a distance. Like a stalker. A nice stalker. That doesn’t make it any better.

 

Campbell, in contrast to his parents, doesn’t seem too happy Grizz is there. He’s polite, but stays at the edge of everything, like a disgruntled cat that isn’t sure about strangers. Grizz knows Campbell, of course, peripherally. A few classes together, a few mutual friends. The guy has always rubbed him the wrong way. He’s noticed how rude he is to Sam when he’s around him at school, going beyond a silly sibling rivalry to what would be considered bullying if they weren’t brothers. Or emotional abuse. Like, following him to Grizz’s house? That’s weird and controlling. Grizz remembers reading on some website that the name Campbell means crooked smile. It fits him perfectly. Creepy and villainous.

 

Sam very slowly extricates them from the conversation and gets them upstairs with the excuse of needing to work on math stuff, which isn’t really an excuse since it’s the truth, but it feels like the tutoring has mostly just been hanging out with the background of math. 

 

He really is helping him in math though, so he’s grateful for it. And sign language, which should probably come second to math, but not to Grizz. 

 

“You’re getting better,” Sam tells him, while Grizz is struggling to hold a conversation in ASL. 

 

“You don’t have to lie,” he says, dropping his hands. 

 

“I’m not. I lost my hearing when I was four. I’ve been practicing for way longer than a week.”

 

Grizz shrugs. “Becca and Allie can do it.”

 

“And they’ve been my friends since elementary school,” Sam reminds him. Then his eyes light up. “Oh, and you haven’t taught me about plants yet.”

 

He had forgotten about that completely. “How about gardening instead of searching the woods?” he suggests. He tries to sign along as he speaks. It feels clumsy and slow. “You can come to the FFA gardens after school with me on Monday.”

 

“That’d be great,” Sam says, smiling. 

 

***

It’s nearly seven, and the party starts at seven-thirty, so Sam goes to the bathroom to change into his Spider-Man costume while Grizz changes in his bedroom, shoving his other clothes in his backpack.

 

The cheerleader costume looks even more ridiculous now. It’s way more revealing than he would’ve liked, and it doesn’t have pockets. Now he knows how girls feel when they complain about the issues of shopping for clothes. But he’s stuck with this now, so he might as well make the best of it. He halfheartedly shakes his pompoms and takes a seat on the bed. Sitting down means he has to pull his skirt down so it’s at least longer than his briefs. This is gonna be miserable.

 

Sam comes back and grins at Grizz. “You know, I wouldn’t have ever put you down as someone who would wear a cheerleader costume.”

 

Grizz shrugs. “I did tap dancing when I was younger. My mom let me sign up for a class because I loved it so much. Somewhere there’s a picture of me in that class wearing a big feather boa.” 

 

Sam busts out laughing. “I need to see that picture.”

 

God, he has such a cute laugh. “Maybe someday,” he says softly. 

 

Grizz drives them to the party with Sam giving directions from the passenger seat. Every single time that Sam’s in his car and he’s driving, there’s an overwhelming urge to reach over and hold his hand. Just hold his hand, that's all. But that’s not allowed. But he can’t stop thinking about it. He manages to get to Becca’s house without giving in. Maybe the party can at least distract him.

 

He can hear people laughing and talking through the door and knocks. Becca opens the door almost immediately. She's wearing a Wonder Woman costume that actually looks very well-made. 

 

"Hey guys, come on in!" she says, standing back so they can walk through. She looks Grizz up and down. "Nice costume," she adds, leading them to the dining room. 

 

He forces a smile. He feels exposed. Probably because he mostly is. His legs are cold. "Thanks."

 

Allie and her sister Cassandra are in the kitchen, chatting with who must be Becca's parents, who are both dressed as mimes. Allie is a pirate with much darker makeup than she normally wears, and Cassandra seems to be some sort of princess, with a nice purple dress. Maybe Rapunzel, but he isn’t sure. 

 

Allie grins at him and Cassandra gives a little wave when they see him.

 

“Helloooo, you must be Grizz!” Mrs. Gelb exclaims. “Great to meet you,” she says, vigorously shaking his hand. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am,” he says, but she’s already moved on to hugging Sam. Grizz exchanges polite smiles with Mr. Gelb. 

 

There’s food set out on the table and all the counters. Allie is snacking on some sort of triangular cookie. 

 

“Grizz has never celebrated Purim before!” Becca announces to her parents. They feign shock and launch into explaining the history of Purim. It’s a surprisingly cool story, and he makes a mental note to read more about it later. And he finds out that Cassandra is wearing a Queen Esther costume, which is very... Cassandra. 

 

“Ours isn’t the most official of celebrations, but I think my cooking is pretty good,” Mr. Gelb says. 

 

“We don’t really have a formal meal,” Becca explains, “We just make all the food, eat whatever you want whenever. But the main dish is over there.” She points to a large bowl of soupy noodles. 

 

“What is it?”

 

She says something he doesn’t understand.

 

“Ash-e reshteh,” she repeats slower, seeing his confusion. “It’s a Persian soup.” She ladles some into a small plastic bowl and hands him a spoon, and then waits expectantly for him to try it. 

 

“That’s really good.”

 

“Thanks!” She beams. “See, dad, I told you I could make it.” 

 

He makes sure to try every other food they have out, because it’s all delicious. Becca tells him the name of everything, like hamantaschen and kreplach, and he goes back for seconds and thirds of a lot of it. And of course, there’s a lot of wine. Wine usually isn’t his thing; his “thing” is chugging beer with Jason, Clark and Luke like his life depends on it.

 

Not that he’d be doing that again. Fuck those guys. Now he’s sitting with Allie and drinking and both of them are giggling at everything way too easily. It’s a nice change of pace. 

 

But he needs the wine to distract himself from how great Sam looks, even in a cheap Spider-Man costume. Sam being near him at all makes him feel like he’s on fire. His face is flushed red and his pretty blue eyes are shining, and he keeps laughing at things people say. Grizz loves his laugh. He wants to kiss him so badly. 

 

Maybe the wine isn’t helping with keeping his mind off Sam. He’s not drunk, just tipsy, enough to make everything soft around the edges. But Grizz has always been more affectionate when he drinks, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea if he’s trying to hide his affection for Sam. Either way, it’s too late now. 

 

Becca, a bit more drunk than Grizz, stands up and sways like a small tree, and declares that she wants to watch a movie.

 

“What movie?” Sam asks. “ _Prince of Egypt_ again?”

 

“Of course, _Prince of_ fucking _Egypt_ is the only good movie. Ever,” she says, pumping her fists in the air.

 

“Language,” Mrs. Gelb says, but she doesn’t actually look upset. “You can all go watch it in your room.”

 

“Yessss,” Becca says, cradling the DVD case like it’s a baby. “Prince of Egypt time, come on.” The rest of them follow her down the hall like a line of ants. In her room, she gestures to the bed and tells them to get comfortable while she messes with the DVD player and turns off the lights.

 

Grizz takes a place near the top, crossing his legs and hugging a pillow to lean on. Cassandra is in the middle, leaning against the wall. Allie sprawls across Becca and Cassandra.

 

Then Sam sits next to Grizz with a smile. 

 

He’s close enough that he can smell his cologne again and their legs are touching, and the feeling of being on fire is so much worse now. But he smiles back and curls in around his pillow, willing himself to focus on the movie. 

 

For the parts that he’s able to focus on, it’s a great movie. He’s never seen it before, but somehow the thoughts about a boy he’s seen plenty of lately is overpowering. Becca has fallen asleep in Allie’s lap, Allie playing with her hair, and he feels a pang in his chest because that would be so nice right now.

 

In a brief lapse of judgment, he shifts closer to Sam and leans his head on Sam’s shoulder. Sam tenses up for a second, and then he wraps an arm around Grizz’s waist, and _wow he is going to die of spontaneous combustion._ It may not have been so bad if he had more clothes on, but Sam’s hand directly on his skin, rubbing slow circles with his thumb, is doing things to him that he’s gotta shove the pillow between his legs to hide. This is ridiculous.

 

In less than ten minutes he’s somehow sitting between Sam’s legs, leaning back into his chest, Sam with one hand in Grizz’s hair - which, oh my God, that’s enough to kill him already - and the other resting on Grizz’s stomach and _holding his hand._

 

He feels like he’s going to cry. Not sure what about, exactly, he’s just overwhelmed to the point that his brain is short circuiting every thought. The guy he likes is holding his hand and fucking cuddling him. He’s not in college. There are two witnesses, three if Becca wakes up. They won’t judge, but they’ll tell people. He can see it now, whispers of _Grizz is gay?_ echoing through the halls, and the guys suddenly refusing to change near him in the locker room. It probably doesn’t even mean anything to Sam. He knows that Becca and him are affectionate friends. But what they mean and what other people interpret is a whole other thing. 

 

Allie shoots him a comforting smile, like she can tell what he’s thinking. It’s probably written all over his face. But that does make him realize that he can trust them. Of course they’re not going to tell everyone. Cassandra isn’t the type to gossip, and Allie and Becca would be respectful enough in this instance not to. So even though it doesn’t mean anything, he lets himself relax into Sam. Girls were never this warm. He finds himself drifting off to the feeling of Sam playing with his hair, and the last coherent thought he has before passing out is that he wants to stay like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love all of u and your support is a #blessing thank yall for reading this shit. because of new job (im a lifeguard now bitchessss) i may not be able to keep up with my insane former posting "schedule" but i will still be writing i assure u.


	8. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo i think this is my first chapter over 2000 words enjoy  
> i have to be at work at 6 tmmrw wtf. i mean. anything for that coin but why is there a swim meet that early.

Sam isn’t sure what to make of last night. His thoughts keep finding their way back to having Grizz in his arms. It’s past noon, and Grizz hasn’t texted him, and neither of them said anything afterwards. It’s not like they text a lot, but still. Yesterday felt like kind of a big deal, to him at least. Maybe him and Detrick were wrong about Grizz, and he was mad at Sam or something. But, no, Grizz had been the one who initiated it. He doesn’t know what to think, other than that cuddling with Grizz is the most... _whole_ he’s ever felt. Even in shitty costumes, slightly drunk, and laying in his best friend’s bed watching _Prince of Egypt._ He really wishes Grizz was in his arms again. 

 

It’s hard to resist texting him saying _what are we?_ or some other stupid cliché like changing his relationship status to "complicated” on his unused Facebook account. He wants to text him. But he also wants to curl up and never go outside again, because maybe he’s made a huge mistake.  

 

He meets himself in the middle and texts him something casual. 

 

_Me: do u still want to go to the gardens on monday?_

 

Grizz responds in less than a minute, which is something of a comfort. 

 

_grizzly bear: Sure. Still good with you?_

 

_Me: yeah_

 

Alright, well, Grizz is at least still willing to be around him. That was something. That means he doesn’t hate Sam now. 

 

Sam feels like he’s drowning in thoughts of Grizz. This is gonna be a long weekend. He tries to make it go faster by alternating between sleeping and texting Becca about him. It doesn’t work. Becca gets his hopes up, Sam crushes his own hopes, and still nothing from Grizz. It's a vicious cycle. He’s stuck in a limbo of thinking he’s a complete idiot and simultaneously reveling in the feeling of holding Grizz like that. 

 

***

Monday finally, finally comes around. That’s definitely the first time he’s thought that about a Monday. Grizz really is having an effect on him. He’s been both looking forward to and dreading this Monday for the past two days that had felt like two years. He has no idea what he’ll say when he sees Grizz, but at least something will happen. 

 

Getting through the school day feels like he’s constantly on the edge of his seat, sometimes literally, like a more anxious version of how distracted he was when he first started talking to Grizz nearly two weeks ago. Has it seriously only been two weeks? 

 

He talks to Detrick during lunch, but she just squeals and stands by what she said before. Allie and Becca reassure him similarly. How is Sam the only one having doubts? It's unrealistic. If no one has doubts, it really means they all secretly have the same doubts as him but are trying to spare his feelings. Or don't care enough to think about it as much as he is. Maybe he's just overthinking. Or overthinking his overthinking. It's been a very long three days. 

 

When the last period is over, he takes a minute to calm himself down before going to find the school gardens. They’re tucked behind the main building, off to the side, behind the tennis courts. Sam isn’t even sure if they have a tennis team here. 

 

Grizz is already there, sitting by one of the beds, pulling weeds from around the young vegetables in one of the planters. Sam walks up behind him, and takes a seat next to him. Grizz doesn’t look up, and it feels like Sam’s heart is in his throat. 

 

 _Hi,_ he says. Not much, but it's something. 

 

Grizz’s head jerks up. _Shit,_ he says, and then laughs. _I was so zoned out. Didn’t notice you were here, sorry._ So he wasn’t being ignored. Sam lets himself laugh a bit, too, in relief. 

 

Grizz is still smiling at him. _So,_ Grizz says with a little cough. _These are parsnips. They’re basically fat carrots._ He pulls one from the ground and places it in the bucket sitting between them. 

 

 _When you pull it, you want to grab the whole thing, not just the leaves,_ he explains. His hands follow along as he speaks. _Then twist, and pull. Voilà!_ He throws the second parsnip in the bucket. 

 

 _Now you try,_ he says, and points to another leafy plant. Grizz covers Sam’s hand to guide him through it, which makes the butterflies in his stomach go insane. They’re more like moths throwing themselves aggressively at a lightbulb. It reminds Sam of those scenes in TV shows where a guy shows a girl how to swing a golf club and puts his arms around her waist. He’s not sure whether golfing or gardening is more dorky. 

 

He pulls up a parsnip. _Perfect,_ Grizz says with a smile, and adds it to the bucket. 

 

 _That’s pretty cool,_ Sam says. 

 

 _Thanks. Yeah, growing parsnips is the coolest hobby out there._ He shakes his head. 

 

Sam grins. _Being here with you is cool._

 

Grizz’s face goes bright pink and he looks away, tugging at the hair hanging out of his bun. Sam isn’t sure if that was the wrong thing to say, but now he’s already said it. They sit there for a little bit without saying anything else, pulling more and filling up the bucket.

 

 _Do we need to pull more?_ Sam asks.

 

Grizz looks up. _Um, nah, but I can show you the rest of what we have, if you want._

 

 _Sounds good._ He waits for Grizz to stand up, but he doesn’t, and they just kind of sit there looking at each other. 

 

 _If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need,_ Grizz says, breaking the awkward silence. Sam cocks his head. It must be a quote, but he doesn’t know who said it. 

 

 _C-I-C-E-R-O, I think,_ Grizz signs slowly. 

 

 _Cicero,_ Sam parrots. Grizz nods.

 

 _Do you?_ Sam asks. He feels like they’re flirting, but he’s not sure. He’s never really done it before. Does discussing 

 

_Do I what?_

 

_Have everything you need?_

 

Grizz looks at him for a few seconds, not answering. Sam thinks he didn’t say it clearly enough, and he’s about to repeat himself when Grizz answers. 

 

 _Almost._ He gives a little smile, but he looks almost sad. Almost? Almost as in, the library selection at the school is over-censored and the FFA barely gets any support from the school, or… something else? He doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods and stands up, offering Grizz a hand. 

 

After he stands up, Grizz shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his big letterman jacket. For a moment, Sam allows himself to daydream a little about dating Grizz and being able to wear his jacket, and everyone would see that Grizz is _his._

 

Except that Grizz isn’t his. They’re just friends that may or may not have feelings for each other. Grizz may or may not be a really sweet straight guy. May or may not be a really closeted gay guy. But, again, he has had girlfriends before, so. Maybe bi. Or just a disguise. Not Sam’s business.

 

Grizz shows him the rows of plants they have in the greenhouses, pointing out his favorites and telling Sam how they have to be cared for. It’s cute to see Grizz talking about the stuff he loves.

 

He notices a plant in a hanging pot, with fluffy red flowers that look like pipe cleaners. _What are those?_

 

Grizz looks up. _C-H-E-N-I-L-L-E. Some of its parts can make medicine. It originally came from tropical Asia._

 

 _Long way from home,_ Sam says. 

 

Grizz smiles a little bit, still staring up at the plant, still looking a little sad. _I wish I could be that far from home._

 

Sam really has no idea what that’s supposed to mean. Or what to say to it. _So, are you looking forward to the field trip? One week until we leave._

 

That, at last, gets a genuine smile from Grizz. _I can’t wait. I fucking love the woods. We get to find salamanders and shit._

 

 _I wanna see the aquarium,_ Sam says. _When we go into town._

 

Grizz nods. _That’ll be cool too. Do you know how many people they’re putting in each cabin?_

 

 _Six,_ Sam remembers from the brochure. _Three beds._

 

_Yeah, I don’t know who I’m supposed to room with. Still not on speaking terms with Clark and Jason, and Luke is gonna be wherever they are._

 

Is that supposed to be a subtle way of asking Sam to be his roommate for the trip? Or just thinking out loud? It could scare him off if he actually is upset about what happened at Purim, or it could go well. It’s worth a shot. He isn’t sure where the sudden burst of confidence is coming from, if you can even call it that. 

 

 _No one wants to be with me,_ he says, which is true. All scared of sharing a bed with the gay guy. _If you want to room together._ He’s trying to keep his expression and tone casual. It feels like he’s trying too hard, and it’s way too easy to see through him. Like that glass house he saw on HGTV once, where you can observe everything play out on the inside just by watching from the sidewalk. That’s how transparent he feels. 

 

Grizz’s eyes widen, like he really didn’t think Sam would ask. His cheeks are pink again. _That’d be great._

 

They don’t mention it again while they’re there. Grizz shows him more plants, and the school’s two cows, named Vanessa and Honeybun. Honeybun keeps licking Grizz’s hand, even though Sam is the one giving them food, but Vanessa lets Sam pet her nose.

 

 _Honeybun is Vanessa’s daughter,_ Grizz explains. _Vanessa has been here since right after she was born._

 

It’s a little sad, Sam thinks. Trapped in one place for the entirety of her cow life. Not even a big pasture, but just the pen out by the woods behind the school. Maybe that’s what Grizz was talking about when he said he wanted to be far away. A small town like West Ham can be suffocating, whether you’re a human or a cow. 

 

Grizz drives him home. Still, neither of them mention Friday. But at least he knows that Grizz doesn’t hate him. 

 

He goes to his room and watches Netflix, making sure he chooses something good so that Becca doesn’t feel left out. As if she could sense that she passed through his mind, he gets a text from her. 

 

_beccgelb: how did u do on the chem test_

 

_sammy.eliottt: probably decent, hbu_

 

_sammy.eliottt: hey who are u rooming with on the field trip_

 

_beccgelb: i feel like i got a B_

_and idk, i was planning on allie but i think she’s going with cass_

_my lab partner is nice i might ask her_

 

_sammy.eliottt: kelly right?_

 

_beccgelb: yeah_

_what about u_

_are u gonna sleep in the same bed as grizzzzz ;)_

 

_sammy.eliottt: yes actually_

 

_beccgelb: omg_

_are yall official yet?? u cuddle at purim and now this_

 

_sammy.eliottt: nah. he didnt bring it up so i didnt either. maybe he was more drunk than i thought and forgot_

 

_beccgelb: yall need to talk about ur feelings smh there is no way he forgot_

_get some chutzpah and fuck him_

 

_sammy.eliottt: idk, i’ll talk to him eventually alright_

_can we talk about smth else? he’s been the only thing i’ve thought about for a while_

 

_beccgelb: ok so i started watching trinkets on netflix because we havent riverdaled in a while and its actually good_

 

_sammy.eliottt: so, crazy coincidence_

_i just watched the first 2 episodes_

 

_beccgelb: y are we the same person jesus_

 

It might have something to do with how they’ve been inseparable since third grade, when mini Becca yelled at a boy at lunch for being mean to him. Then she found out he was deaf, and brought him her whole Hawkeye comic collection the next day, and asked him to teach her sign language at recess. And he asked her to teach him cuss words in Yiddish and if she would be his best friend. 

 

He still has those comics in a shoebox under his bed. Sometimes they buy newer copies, but only after checking to make sure the writers didn’t suddenly decide that Clint isn’t deaf, like they did for the movies. It still annoys him every time he watches those movies, no matter how much he loves them otherwise. Becca rants about it more than he does. 

 

He really is gonna be lost without her when they split for college, no matter how much he denies it out loud. Sometimes he thinks that, if he were straight, they might be together, because they’re basically already platonic soulmates. Back in sixth grade, Sam told her that he liked boys, and she hugged him and made him promise that he would still stay true to the ¨bros before hoes¨ motto, except that she was the bro and boys were hoes. He had laughed and agreed, with a pinky swear. He hopes that he isn’t inadvertently choosing Grizz over Becca too much recently. 

  
Feeling a bit guilty, he interrupts the conversation about _Trinkets_ to ask if she wants to go see Captain Marvel for a second time this weekend, and gets an emphatic ¨ _fuck yes.¨_ He needs to hang out with Becca way more, in the final months of senior year. And this will at least get his mind off of Grizz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember if u like this and want to know when it updates then bop that subscribe button and get an email when i update  
> i love u guys and if u comment i love u the most  
> does anyone want to tell me very specific f/f fics/ficlets they want to read but cant find? ill write it. someone pls give me a becca x kelly plot they want. or any of the girls idc i am but a humble servant


	9. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))  
> yall i noticed that there's a singular person out there that is subscribed to my whole profile and not just this story but ao3 wont show me who it is so i cant hug them ?? smh

Grizz is freaking the fuck out. He got spooned by Sam Eliot, they haven’t talked about it, and now, very soon he’s going to be sharing a bed with this guy for nearly a week. Jesus Christ, he is seriously going to die. 

 

It’s kind of obvious that Sam does like him. Or did like him? He didn’t mention what happened at Purim, so Grizz didn’t either. Sam probably regrets it. But he did agree to sharing a bed for the field trip, so maybe he doesn’t. Like, logically, Grizz can tell that Sam likes him, he just doesn’t want to believe it. If he lets himself believe it, then it’ll be real. And that will fuck everything up. 

 

Having the guy he’s liked since middle school probably like him back is an exhilarating feeling. And the saddest part of it is that he can’t do anything about it. He promised himself he wouldn’t let anyone in high school know he’s gay. He needs to wait until college. Which means losing his chance with Sam, which fucking hurts even though he’s barely spoken to him before a few weeks ago. He’s a fucking cat and God is dangling a mouse toy just out of reach. Pretty rude, God.

 

Grizz has no idea what to do. What is he supposed to do when he doesn’t know what to do? It’s not like he can talk to his parents about boy problems. Who is he supposed to talk to? 

 

***

The next morning, he finds himself where everyone else does when they don’t know what to do: in Detrick’s room. 

 

“Good morning, sweetheart! You said your name is Grizz, right?”

 

He nods, chewing on his lip. He barely knows this woman, does he really want to tell her shit that he hasn’t told anyone else? Everyone else does, but still, this is a big deal to him.

 

Fuck it, he needs someone to talk to. 

 

“Can we talk in the back room?” he asks.

 

“Of course,” she says, and he follows her. He doesn’t know any of the kids that are in the classroom, but word will still travel fast if it gets out that there’s a gay guy on the football team. 

 

Detrick takes a seat and motions for him to do the same. “So what’s wrong, Grizzy?”

 

It’s hard to make eye contact. “Anything I say stays between us, right?”

 

“Yes, unless you’re doing something more illegal than underage drinking and smoking, or you’re hurting yourself, or plan to kill yourself. Other than that, it’s fair game.” It’s strange to hear a teacher talk openly about… real shit, even just mentioning it like that, but this is a good thing, right? 

 

“Okay, none of that, then.” He takes a deep breath. “I need to talk to someone about this, but I don’t have anyone else, and I heard that people come to you a lot…”

 

“That’s what I’m here for,” she says, propping her head in her hand. 

 

Another deep breath. “I’m gay.”

 

Detrick squeals and moves her arms like she wants to hug him, but isn’t sure if she can. He opens his arms, and she takes that as an invitation. 

 

“Oh, I’m so proud of you, Grizzy! Have you told anyone else?” she asks, pulling back. 

 

He shakes his head. That’s the first time he’s said it out loud to anyone other than himself. It’s terrifying. But they’re just words, and he was able to get them out fine this time. It’s like a weight lifted off his chest. Someone else knows. 

 

“My parents aren’t really good about that kind of thing, and I wouldn’t trust the guys on the football team not to be assholes…” He pauses. “I was going to wait until college to come out at all, but I have a problem.”

 

She waits. 

 

“There’s this guy I like,” he explains. Her eyes widen. “I think he likes me back? He might? We’ve kind of been flirting but not really, and at a friend’s party we were both a bit drunk and got really cuddly, and then there’s that field trip coming up and I said I’d room with him so we’ll be sharing a bed.” 

 

He knows he’s rambling, but Detrick is still paying attention. “And like, I really would like to date him, or try to, but I can’t because I’m staying in the closet, and I don’t want to be out to everyone yet. But I _really_ like him.” He sighs and slides down in his chair. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Detrick is silent for a moment, like she’s thinking. “This boy that you like…” she starts carefully. “Would he accept you if he knew you were gay?” 

 

“I- yeah, he would. He’s gay. I just don’t want to mess it up if he just wants to be friends, you know? And I don’t want him to think I’m just messing around or using him to experiment or something.”

 

“If you tell him how you really feel, he won’t think that," she says. "I think you should go for it, sweetie.”

 

“But I’m in the closet.”

 

“Listen. If he really wants to be with you, he’ll respect that. People can be together without everyone knowing. It doesn’t have to be all in or all out, alright? It can just be between you two, or you two and some close friends.” She grins. “Like Becca and Allie, maybe?”

 

His head jolts up. She knows that it’s Sam. “Is it that obvious that I like him?” he mutters. 

 

She shrugs. “I’m very observant. I’ve seen a lot of students that like other students. It’s been almost twenty years, I can spot this stuff.” That makes him feel a little better. Most people haven’t been observing students from a bird’s-eye point of view for over a decade. To most people, it isn’t that obvious. 

 

“So do you think I should go for it? Have a secret relationship?”

 

“I think that he would say yes if you asked,” she says.

 

He may not trust his own judgment, but he trusts this middle-aged teacher. He fidgets with his hair. “Aright, I’ll say something. Maybe.” He gives her a small smile. “Thanks for listening.”

 

She laughs and stands up, holding open the door for him. “Any time, sweetie. Tell me how it goes whenever you ‘maybe’ say something.” 

 

He can’t help smiling back at her as he leaves. “Sure, whenever that happens.”

 

It’s what he thinks about as he goes to first period, and while he’s in first period, and the rest of the day. How is he supposed to ask out Sam? 

 

***

After school, he drives to the public library. The school library is terribly limited, refusing to shelve anything about taboo topics due to a few parents’ complaints, so he never goes there. It makes him sad. 

 

The big public library, however, is like his own personal heaven. It’s quiet and full of books, what more could you want? Whether he wants to think or be distracted from thinking by reading, the library is the place to be. He always likes to sit in one of the couches in the back corner for an hour or three, long enough to get a headstart on the excessive amount of books he checks out that are due back in two weeks. He hasn’t gotten it into his own head yet that fourteen thick books in fourteen days may be a bit unrealistic. 

 

He’s halfway through some gay YA novel he picked up - not usually the type of stuff he reads, but hey, why not project onto the characters and forget he’s himself for a while - when someone sits next to him on the couch. Peripherally, he can tell it’s a girl, and he does not feel like warding off advances at the library today. She hasn’t said anything yet, so he keeps his focus on the book. 

 

“Hey, Grizz,” the girl says, startling him. He looks up and internally breathes a sigh of relief. It’s Allie. 

 

“Hey,” he says with a grin.

 

She cocks her head sideways to see his book. “ _Simon_ _vs_ blah blah blah. That’s a good one.”

 

“Uh, yeah, I like it so far. You’ve read it?” His voice comes out higher than normal. If she’s read it, then she knows it’s about gay guys, and there are no straight guys around here that would willingly read a gay YA romance. Or, if they’re his friends, willingly read anything. Even if she hasn’t read it, the title kind of implies it. The blurb on the back says it. He’s screwed either way. 

 

“I read it in freshman year, I think. It’s cute, isn’t it?” Her voice and her expression make it feel like she wants Grizz to confess, but she isn’t going to ask. And he doesn't feel like telling right now, anyway.

 

“Yeah,” he squeaks. They fall silent for a few minutes. She reorganizes the stack of books in her lap. He doesn’t recognize two of them, but the other two are _Hamlet_ and _A Midsummer Night’s Dream._

 

“You like Shakespeare?” 

 

“I figured I’d give it a shot. I’ve heard he comes up a lot in my English class next year,” she says, shrugging. Then she smiles. “And Becca keeps sending me Shakespeare memes on Instagram, so it’d be nice to understand them for once.”

 

“They have the No Fear Shakespeare versions here, they’re really helpful. It has the modern English next to the old English.” He gestures in the vague direction of where they would be. 

 

“I’ll remember that if I can’t get through these, but I already checked them out.” She puts them in her backpack. “Hey, there’s a cute diner just down the street that I’ve been dying to try, want to go? As friends,” she adds. 

 

He did have fun talking to her at Purim, so why not? “Sure,” he says. “Let me just check these out first.” 

 

 _Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda_ is at the top of the pile of books he drops on the check-out desk. 

 

***

The diner, as promised, is adorable. It’s got this pastel 50’s theme going on, complete with a jukebox and a checkered floor. He buys two milkshakes for him and Allie, and they take a seat in a red leather booth. 

 

The waitress winks at him when she brings them their order. Allie snorts. 

 

“So, have you seen Captain Marvel yet?” she asks, swirling her straw.

 

“I’m not really into superheroes.”

 

Her hand goes still and her eyes get huge, like he’s just told her he kills puppies in his spare time. “You don’t like Marvel?” 

 

He shrugs. “Not really. I just like books better than movies. And the theater is disgusting.”

 

“Wow, nerd. Cass is the same way though, she just goes for the snacks. You’d probably like hanging out with her better,” she says, staring down at her milkshake.

 

That came out of nowhere. Maybe it’s just a younger sibling thing, always feeling like your older sibling is overshadowing you. Grizz has pretty much always been grateful he’s an only child. He likes being left alone. 

 

“Nah, friends aren’t any fun if they’re just like you,” he says. “You’re supposed to force me to watch your favorite movies, and I make you read Shakespeare or some shit.”

 

She finally smiles and looks up at him. “You should teach me how to play football.”

 

“Sure. Do you know much about it already?”

 

“You know, I go to a lot of the games, but I didn’t realize until last year that they switch sides halfway through,” she says, completely serious. He tries not to laugh. 

 

“So I’m starting from scratch, huh? We can practice in the park this weekend and then loiter like annoying teenagers,” he promises. 

 

“And we can watch every Marvel movie in chronological order. Maybe the TV shows, too,” she says, grinning. “There’s a _lot.”_

 

“Deal.” He holds his hand out, and she shakes it. 

 

It’s nice to have a friend that isn’t constantly talking about fucking girls and drinking. Or a friend that he isn’t helplessly crushing on. Maybe he should try to befriend girls more often. 

 

They finish their milkshakes and talk for a while, and he sort of wishes he’d traded Jason and Clark in for Allie much sooner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a kudos and maybe a comment if you enjoyed, and remember to subscribe if you want to be alerted when i update! i love u all very much.  
> also reminder that i'll take requests because why not (i do maintain the right to turn them down but that's probably unlikely?) so if there's a fic u wanna read that doesn't exist then drop that comment


	10. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took a little longer to write bc i got in a big argument with my boyfriend and was too distracted to write, oops
> 
> but anyway they're finally on the trip guysss

_Are you packed for the trip yet?_ Becca signs. It's Saturday, and they're sitting on Sam's bed after seeing _Captain Marvel_ for the second time, and the TV is on in preparation for _Riverdale._

 

_Maybe?_

 

Becca gives him a stern look. 

 

 _I'm not packed yet,_ he admits. 

 

 _Are you serious? We leave on Monday._ She snatches the remote from him and turns the TV off. _No Riverdale, we're packing._

 

He groans but drags his small suitcase out of his closet while she digs through his drawers to find suitable pants. 

 

_We get access to a washer and dryer, right?_

 

Becca nods, throwing clothes behind her. 

 

_So for eight days, I need like, five outfits?_

 

 _Sure. And pyjamas,_ she says, turning towards him. _Or not, if you plan to seduce Grizz by sleeping without clothes._

 

He chucks a pillow at her head. _Did Kelly agree to be your field trip buddy?_

 

Becca, undaunted by the pillow, begins rolling up shirts inside pairs of jeans. Looks like he’s just going to be wearing whatever she’s giving him. 

 

 _Yeah._ She shrugs. _She seems a little shallow, but she’s nice. You know she’s dating Harry?_

 

 _Ew._ Sam decides to help pack his own things and starts a pile of socks and underwear. 

 

_Right? Like, he’s hot, but he’s a dick, you know? She could go for way better._

 

Sam nods, absentmindedly shoving mismatched pyjamas into the suitcase. _You seem overly invested in the love life of this girl you barely know,_ he says, bumping her shoulder. 

 

She gives him another stern look. _Just observational._

 

_Whatever you say, Bec._

 

Back in sophomore year, she had told Sam that she thought she might be bi, but wasn’t sure, and… that was basically the end of it. She didn’t really mention it again. Sometimes she would call female celebrities hot (Tessa Thompson, Gal Gadot, and of course Brie Larson came up often), but there wasn’t much more than that to go on. 

 

She hasn’t really dated much in high school, preferring to stay on the fringes and watch everyone else’s drama unfold. She was a pretty private person in general, but still, it seems like she would tell him about this. Or maybe that conversation was her coming out in an understated way, or she just still wasn’t certain. He didn’t press on the issue, it didn’t really make a difference either way. There weren’t many girls at the school that she would want to be with, except maybe _Kelly,_ apparently. Who was dating Harry, so that was a dead-end. Becca was probably just waiting for college, or something. It was her business when she wanted to come out. 

 

Becca taps his shoulder, distracting him from his thoughts. _You should ask him out this week._

 

He shrugs, noncommittal. _Maybe._

 

***

On Monday morning, him and Campbell say goodbye to their parents, Campbell is rude to him the whole time but no worse than usual, and they wait to be told to get on the bus. 

 

He finds Becca and her parents in the crowd of sleepy people. 

 

 _Are we sitting together?_ he asks as they head for the bus. Somehow that never came up when they were talking about the trip. 

 

 _I'm sitting with Kelly,_ she signs. _You can sit with Grizz,_ she says with a wink. 

 

He rolls his eyes but thanks her, and climbs the bus steps to find a seat. It’s crowded with kids shoving each other in the aisle, and it’s hard to tell which seats are empty. Then he catches sight of Grizz waving from the back, so he ducks through the throng of people to get to him. 

 

 _Hey_ , he says. 

 

Grizz pats the space next to him, gesturing for Sam to sit. 

 

 _Good morning,_ Grizz says with a sleepy smile. His hair is a mess, and somehow it manages to be even cuter than normal like that. _I’m exhausted, so I’m sorry in advance if I fall asleep on you._

 

Sam smiles. _That’s fine,_ he says. 

 

Ten minutes later, the buses leave the school and everyone cheers, and the bus is full of energy for maybe an hour before the whole waking-up-early thing catches up with everyone, and everyone settles, most of them watching Netflix on their phones or listening to music through earbuds. 

 

Grizz and Sam talk about the trip. It seems like everyone else is quiet, so Sam tries to keep his voice down. Grizz isn’t acting as weird as he was at the gardens, so maybe he’s just decided to forget about Purim. Which, if it makes him happy, that works for Sam.

 

He’s intoxicating to be around, with his cute smile and his soft dark hair and his pretty green eyes that Sam never gets to look at for long enough. He smells like soap and earthy cologne, and he always has to remind himself not to lean in too close to the scent. 

 

Nearly an hour into the drive, they fall into a comfortable silence. Grizz gets out a big blanket he brought along and drapes it over the two of them.

 

Then Grizz leans into him and lets his head fall on Sam’s shoulder. It’s Purim all over again. Unsure of what he’s allowed to do, Sam reaches under the cover of the blanket and tentatively puts his arm around Grizz’s waist just like Purim. Grizz freezes and then relaxes, nuzzling his face into Sam’s neck. 

 

Is this flirting? It’s gotta count as flirting. Or Grizz really is just exhausted like he said and this is a side effect of that. Or it’s flirting. Either way, Grizz’s warm breath and lips are on his neck even if he isn’t kissing him, and he’s really grateful for the blanket covering his lap. 

 

It’s a few minutes before he realizes Grizz has fallen asleep, his breathing deeper and slower. It’s over half an hour before Sam can calm himself down enough to relax and sleep too, resting his head on Grizz’s and drifting off.

 

He floats in and out of sleep, sometimes jolting awake, grasping at Grizz’s shirt, feeling the other boy grunt and shift a little at the disturbance. A rumbling bus full of loud teenagers isn’t the most ideal sleeping situation, but with Grizz it’s worth it. And he is going to be _so_ fucking screwed when they share the actual bed. He’s already way too soft for this boy he only kind of knows. That’s too much to think about in his half-aware state, so he slips back into sleep. 

 

***

The next time he fully wakes up is when someone is shaking his shoulder to wake him up. He jumps a little, blinking a few times before he realizes it’s Grizz, who is no longer curled up against him. The bus is dark, the sky outside dusky and overcast over a mountainous horizon. 

 

Grizz says something that he can’t make out in the dim lighting. 

 

 _What?_ he whispers. Most of the others seem to be asleep. _I can’t really see you._

 

Grizz doesn’t do anything for a moment, then pulls out his phone and opens Notes, typing quickly before turning the screen to Sam. 

 

 _We’re almost there. I woke up a little while ago,_ it reads. 

 

 _Oh,_ he says. _Thanks for waking me up._

 

Grizz nods and puts the phone away, pulling his backpack into the seat to double-check all of his things before settling into the seat, sitting still. Sam watches him blankly for a while, zoned out, still half asleep. 

 

***

They arrive at their designated area in the mountains soon after, sleepy students filing off the bus. Mr. Keyser, one of the chaperones, gets the group’s attention and then fires off some instructions that Sam can’t understand. He looks to Grizz helplessly, but then Becca comes up beside him and relays what Keyser said - go with your room buddy to the roster at the front and sign for a room, girls and boys in separate cabins, and get some rest - before hugging him and disappearing back into the crowd with Kelly.

 

He and Grizz do that, and find their way to their cabin that they’ll be sharing with Will, Gordie, Luke, and Shoe. Sam doesn’t really know any of them. He knows Will as the junior that Allie likes, and Gordie as the nice guy in his chem class that knows a bit of sign. Luke is the lesser of three evils out of him, Clark, and Jason. And he’s never met Shoe, so he’s gonna give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s a cool guy. Overall, a decent group. 

 

They’re all already in the cabin when Sam and Grizz get there, turning on lights and scoping out the rooms. 

 

 _We already called dibs, so you guys get the smaller room, sorry,_ Will says when he notices them walking in. Gordie looks apologetic and points to the door. 

 

Grizz shrugs. _That’s fine. I’m gonna put my stuff in there._

 

 _Me too,_ Sam says, and follows him into the bedroom, hitting the light switch on the way in. It’s not an awfully small room to spend just eight days in, it’s not like they have a ton of stuff to unpack. 

 

Grizz is poking around in the drawers of the bedside tables and looking in the closet. 

 

_Look what I found!_

 

_What?_

 

Grizz pulls something from behind his back that he’s found in the closet: a Jenga set. He’s got a huge grin on his face.

 

 _Jenga,_ Sam says. 

 

 _Wanna play? I slept so much on the ride here, I’m not tired._ It’s nearly midnight, but Sam feels the same way, so why not?

 

 _Yeah, sure._  

 

They’re three games in - Sam’s won twice - when they start talking about their plans for after graduation.

 

 _Where are you going to college?_ Grizz asks. His hair is still an adorable mess. 

 

 _Southern Connecticut,_ he answers. 

 

Grizz’s eyes get huge. _Me too,_ he says. _Crazy._ Then he looks down. 

 

They’re going to the same college. There’s a lot of things that flash through Sam’s mind very quickly: seeing Grizz after graduation, being roommates with Grizz, one future where he always has to see Grizz bringing people home, another where he and Grizz are happily together. 

 

All of this very quickly brings him to the conclusion that he needs to ask him out during this trip. He could have Grizz for longer than the few months before graduation. They could be together through college. Or he could mess everything up, but Detrick was probably right about Grizz not being the type to hate him for making a mistake like that. Slightly higher stakes of being constantly reminded of his mistake by Grizz’s presence, much higher rewards of getting to be with and stay with Grizz. 

 

He’s gonna do it.

 

Just not tonight.

 

 _Yeah, so, what are you planning to do in college?_ he asks.

 

 _Can’t decide between social work and environmental science,_ Grizz says. 

 

_Pretty different._

 

Grizz shrugs. _Yeah. On one hand, I want to make people’s lives better, so therapist or social worker. On the other hand, I like nature and all that. I could work here or something._

 

_Like a park ranger?_

 

He smiles. _That’d be nice. So how about you?_

 

 _Don’t laugh,_ Sam says. Grizz nods. _I’ve always wanted to be a teacher or a librarian. Or a stay-at-home dad._

 

 _I’m not gonna laugh at that, teachers and librarians are like, a pillar of society._ Sam must not look convinced. Probably because he isn’t. _I’m serious,_ Grizz insists. _We’re all in the dark ages without those._

 

Sam rolls his eyes. _Thanks, but stay-at-home dad isn’t a very impressive career option._

 

_Why not? Takes a lot to raise a kid full-time. Though I’m guessing you’ll need to save up for adoption fees?_

 

Sam nods hesitantly. 

 

 _Me too,_ Grizz says, so small Sam almost doesn’t catch it. He decides not to investigate it further, instead choosing to beat Grizz in another round of Jenga.

 

***

It’s nearly two in the morning before they finally decide to go to sleep, and now Sam is facing the experience that he’s been dreading and looking forward to most on this trip. Sharing a bed with Grizz. 

 

He turns off the lights and crawls under the covers on the side that Grizz hasn’t already taken. They’re not touching, but the bed is small, so they’re a mere few inches apart, and he needs to control himself and not cuddle up again. Half-asleep, he wonders if Grizz feels the same way.

 

 _Goodnight,_ he mutters.

 

Knowing it’s too dark for Sam to see, Grizz squeezes his hand in response. And then, unfortunately, lets go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a kudos if you enjoyed please, maybe a comment if you're feeling spicy, and subscribe to the story if you'd like to find out when it updates  
> i love u all uwu  
> and i have some shorter fics in the works rn so keep an eye out for those at some point oooo


	11. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes it has been nearly 5 days  
> here are my excuses, judge as you will:  
> 1) work is kicking my ass, i've never had a job before because i am a child  
> 2) writer's block came for me after like 1 scene  
> 3) i did so much salamander research and on actual field trip activities they do in the smokies (but i simplified them). you will hear about all of it. i made grizz love salamanders. projection is the best part of writing.  
> 4) this is like 2500 words

When he wakes up to the sunlight filtering through the windows just above the headboard, he’s got one leg off the bed and half his body draped over Sam. It’s a bit too reminiscent of how overly comfortable he got with Sam on the bus. It’s a miracle no one’s said anything to him about it yet.

 

It’s nice to be so close to Sam; he’s warm and comfortable and he smells nice. The thing is, he’s woken up with an erection because it’s morning and his dick is a traitor that can’t understand that it shouldn’t do that when he’s sharing a bed. 

 

So, he carefully extricates himself from under the blanket and Sam’s arm and escapes to the shower down the hall, since no one else is awake yet. Which means he gets the blessing of a long shower. 

 

Long enough to make his awkward situation go away and then think about everything else while he washes his hair, like the fact that he’s _going to the same college as Sam._ So much for a brand new start after graduation. He was planning to go all out, be visibly gay as hell, get a boyfriend and flaunt it, just to make up for lost time in high school. But Sam is a connection to high school, and if Grizz is involved with him, even in college, then the news of Grizz being gay would get back through the rumor mill and everyone from high school would know. 

 

But did it matter? If those people are nowhere near him, then who cares if they know that he’s gay? They’d probably find out eventually, one way or another. 

 

Still, though, the timing is terrible. He wishes he could’ve gotten closer with Sam in college instead of now, which is somehow both too soon for college and too late for high school. He decides to make a mental list of possible plans of action, like his dad would tell him to do in other situations like applying for college or practicing a sport. 

 

OPTION A: Don’t do anything now or in college with Sam, pretend not to know him, get with other random guys. Dick move. Option A is out.

 

OPTION B: Don’t do anything now, but see if Sam is still interested in college. Not a bad plan.

 

OPTION C: Try to get with Sam now like Detrick suggested, secretly, and if they’re still together when fall term starts, then go public. Terrifying, as it involves asking Sam out now, but not terrible.

 

OPTION D: Try to get with Sam now, be together publicly. Which would definitely get back to his parents. That makes him feel nauseous. Option D is out. 

 

OPTION E: Dig a hole in the mountains, crawl into it, never leave. So far, the best plan. 

 

Which leaves him with two actual plans and a half-joking death wish. The only official advice he’s been given has been to follow Option C, and the more he thinks about it, the hot water running cold down his back, the more it seems like a good idea. It’s hard to resist the thought of being able to kiss Sam, or just hold his hand, and be able to cuddle up like they have been so much recently (way more than acceptable for most male friendships anyway) without freaking out about it. Even if it does have to be a secret. If he waits until after the summer, Sam may have moved on by then, may have even found another guy entirely. That thought hits him with an unwarranted pang of jealousy, since he’s not dating Sam and there is no other guy (yet), but it’s hard to crush the feeling anyway. He needs to be with Sam. 

 

Can he do it? Maybe. It takes a few minutes to convince himself, but now it’s firmly planted in his mind. He is going to ask Sam out before this trip is over. He just has no idea how. But he’s been in the shower for too long at this point, so he gets out and wraps himself in a towel on the floor for a few minutes, makes a slight attempt to dry his hair off, and puts the clothes on that he brought in with him, jeans and a We Bare Bears shirt. He’s never even watched the show, but people keep buying him any shirt they see with a bear on it. _Ha ha, your nickname is Grizz, have a totally original bear joke you’ve definitely never been told before, probably about appetite or hugs._ This shirt is a picture of a cute group of cartoon bears and says #SQUAD GOALS, though, so he wears it anyway. He isn’t really sure if it’s ironic or not anymore. It’s just a soft shirt. 

 

He doesn’t bother trying to straighten his hair, the mirror being too steamy to see himself in, instead just going back to the bedroom. 

 

Sam is still laying in the bed, twisted up in the sheet, blinking blearily at Grizz when he opens the door. It’s a nice sight to see, Sam in _their_ bed with his sleep-tousled hair and sleepy expression. If Grizz can get the courage to ask him out, then they can be roommates in college and he can wake up with Sam every morning. Preferably with less clothes. He really shouldn’t be thinking about that now, though.

 

"Good morning,” he says. Sam gives a tiny wave in response. 

 

“The shower is open,” he continues. “No one else is awake yet, I don’t think.”

 

Sam rubs his eyes, climbing out of the bed. “Thanks, I’ll go do that.”

 

And Grizz is left alone in the room, trying to think of how he can ever ask out _Sam_ without freaking out so much that he bails on his plan.

 

***

By nine, he still doesn’t have an answer, but everyone is called out of the cabins to gather in a big group to hear the plan is for today. According to the itinerary, Tuesday is SALAMANDER DAY. Specifically, salamander monitoring. Seniors are doing the salamanders today while the juniors are doing something with lichens, and then they switch on Thursday. 

 

But first, they’re all provided with juice and a choice of breakfast: granola bars, applesauce, a mini muffin package, or those tiny boxes of cereal they sell at gas stations. Grizz takes some orange juice and a little box of Apple Jacks, and sits next to Sam and the girls on the grass. He’s sipping apple juice and having a one-handed conversation with Becca. Allie and Cassandra are eating cereal and talking about something, but he isn’t awake enough to tune into any conversation he’s not a part of. 

 

Mr. Keyser rattles off a series of instructions, which Becca relays to Sam, and sends the seniors to a group of rangers. Allie gives a sad little wave and goes off with the juniors.

 

***

There’s a packet of worksheets and instructions that they hand out. Grizz tries to read it while also focusing on the ranger, a tiny woman named Kirsten, who is explaining how there are thirty species of salamanders in the park and the differences in the families, and how they’re going to take inventory of them.

 

Twenty-four of the species are _lungless._ They breathe through their _skin._ Grizz finds the page in the packet that says that and shows Sam, because everyone deserves to know about the skin-breathing amphibians. And the Hellbender species, which Kirsten informs them is the largest species in the park, can be three feet long, has teeth, and chills at the bottom of streams. 

 

"I wanna find one," he declares. It was only supposed to be to Sam and the girls, but the ranger overhears him. 

 

"We will we searching the streams, so you’ll have a chance!" she says happily. She leads half of the group further into the woods and the other half goes with another ranger. Kirsten warns them to be careful of where they step, to watch out for any animals underfoot. 

 

After nearly twenty minutes of stumbling through thick forest, they finally stop. Grizz can hear a stream bubbling nearby.

 

“Split into groups of five!” Kirsten calls. The four of them look around, not sure who to ask to join them, until Becca beckons a redheaded girl over. He recognizes her after a moment as Kelly. He doesn’t know her very well. She says something to her boyfriend, Harry, who looks annoyed, and then joins them. 

 

“Hey, guys!” she says. Becca smiles fondly. 

 

“Hey,” he says. She’s always been pretty nice. 

 

Kirsten gives them gloves and tells them that they can take off their shoes to go in the stream if they want. Grizz puts the gloves on, shoves his boots off and waits for Sam to do the same before grabbing his hand and dragging him into their group's area of the stream. Mud squishes between his toes. 

 

Becca and Kelly wade in too, Kelly giggling at how gross it is and holding on to Becca so she doesn't fall over. Cass is perched on the bank, trying to reach in with her hands instead of getting in the water. 

 

"This is weird," Sam says, laughing and splashing the water. He's _so cute_. 

 

"You're gonna scare the salamanders away," Grizz hisses, even though he’s laughing too. Sam rolls his eyes exaggeratedly but stops. 

 

"Okay, find me a salamander, nature boy." 

 

Grizz looks around, determined to catch a fat salamander. Kirsten told them that they like to hide under things like rocks and logs. If he was a salamander, where would he lurk, being cute and slimy? Peering through the surface of the murky water, he sees a patch of seaweed near the bank. And a fat amphibious head poking out, warped by the moving water.

 

He moves slowly through the squelching mud, and then lunges to grab it, water sloshing up to his pants. It’s fat, smooth, and trying to wriggle out of his hands. He scoops it into a plastic bag that Kirsten gave them. 

 

“I GOT ONE!” he yells. It looks at him with betrayal in its beady black eyes. It’s kind of brownish-beige and looks like it has gills. It looks like an overgrown tadpole. Kelly pulls his arm closer to look inside the bag. 

 

“It looks like a baby demogorgon,” she says, but somehow makes that sound like a compliment. She looks up at him. “What are you gonna name it?”

 

“Uhh, Lizzie?”

 

“It’s not a lizard, though,” Cassandra says. 

 

“Sally?”

 

“That’s basic,” Sam says, looking in the bag. “What if it’s a boy?”

 

“Then Sal?” Sally flops over, dejected and accepting her fate in the plastic bag. 

 

“Check if Sally has a dick or not,” Becca says. 

 

“That’s not how salamanders work,” Cass says. “Don’t we need to measure it?” She hands him the measuring tape. He passes the bag to Sam, who tries to straighten out Sally without disturbing her.

 

“Nine inches,” he announces. He hears footsteps in the leaves back on the ground, and they turn to find Kirsten walking towards them. 

 

“I thought I heard you guys say you caught one!” she says, grinning. “Let’s see it then.” They pass the bag to her, and she crouches by the bank like Cassandra, holding Sally tight so she wouldn’t escape and dipping her in the water for a few seconds. 

 

“We don’t want it to dry out,” she explains. Then she brings her back up and examines her. “You’ve got a mudpuppy.” Becca signs it to Sam. 

 

“Oh my God, that’s such an adorable name,” Kelly says.

 

“And this one,” Kirsten says, flipping Sally over, “is a female.”

 

“Ha! Her name is Sally like I said.” Grizz doesn’t ask how she can tell. He doesn’t like to be shown human vaginas, much less amphibious ones. 

 

She just smiles at him. “These babies live up to eleven years in the wild, and they will eat anything they can fit in their mouths.” As if to prove her point, she plucks an innocent snail off a nearby plant and gives it to Sally, who gobbles down the whole thing immediately. “And this girl looks pretty young, but when she gets to be six years old, she’ll probably lay about sixty eggs.” 

 

She looks up at them. “You said nine inches long?” They nod. 

 

“Where’d she come from?” Grizz points at the grassy patch he snatched her from, and Kirsten slowly lets Sally back into the water next to it. She disappears into the murky water, happy to no longer be held captive. 

 

“Bye, Sally,” they all say. 

 

Kirsten chuckles and stands up, dusting off her ranger pants. “You kids ready to head back?” 

 

“No more salamanders?” Kelly asks, looking a bit crestfallen. 

 

Kirsten checks her watch. “Twenty minutes,” she says, amused. “See if you can find that hellbender.”

 

***

They did not find a hellbender, but Grizz is determined that sometime this week he’s gonna sneak out at night to find a carnivorous blob roaming in the stream. Maybe Sam will come with him. Maybe he’ll ask him out then. It’s very romantic. 

 

After lunch, they’re given free time until dinner. Sam heads back to the cabin, and Grizz starts to follow him when someone grabs his wrist. 

 

“Hey man, do you wanna go for a hike?” Luke asks. Grizz glances at him, then back to Sam, then back to Luke. 

 

“Just us, not the other guys,” Luke promises. 

 

After a moment of hesitation, he gets Sam’s attention. “I’m gonna go on a hike with Luke, I’ll come back later,” he says. 

 

Sam looks briefly disappointed, but the expression is gone almost before it’s fully there. “Alright, see you later,” he says with a smile. Then disappears with Becca and Allie, who are talking about Allie’s adventures with lichens. 

 

“So, are we leaving now?” 

 

“Yeah, sure,” Luke says. He grabs some water bottles and leads the way out to the woods. They walk mostly in silence for a while, just the crunching of leaves under their shoes and the skittering of birds and lizards as they walk by. 

 

“How have you been?” Luke says, breaking the silence. “Haven’t really talked much lately.”

 

“I’ve been pretty good, you?” he says. Neutral. Luke was still hanging around Jason and Clark, so while the lesser of evils, he was still in association with them. 

 

Luke sighs. “Not bad. It’s not the same without you, man.”

 

“That’s tough,” he says with a shrug. They fall into silence again until they come to stop in front of the stream. 

 

“So, Sam,” Luke says awkwardly. Grizz tenses and waits for the rest of his sentence. It doesn’t come. 

 

“What about him?” he asks.

 

“Are you guys...” He makes a vague gesture that doesn’t clarify anything, then just shrugs. “Together? Or something?”

 

“No,” Grizz says. He responded way too fast. Real subtle. He doesn't add anything else. More words are more opportunities to fuck up.

 

“Do you- do you like him? I’m not judging or anything, man, I’m not like them.” Then he smiles and nudges Grizz’s shoulder. “I can be a better wingman if I know your type.”

 

He can’t bring himself to look at Luke, because if he does, he’ll probably end up confessing. He stares straight ahead, trying to push how far he can see into the thick forest. “There’s nothing going on with me and Sam, sorry to disappoint.”

 

***

Laying in bed that night, watching the slow rise and fall of Sam’s chest and the way the soft moonlight through the window reflects off his eyelashes, he is well aware of just how much that was a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i implement some sort of posting schedule? probably. might consider that instead of like, posting a chapter a day for 9 chapters and then falling back to like a chapter every week. i just enjoy Instant Validation but maybe i will restrain myself. it is late and these notes are very rambly lo siento todos  
> anyway kudos comment subscribe u know the deal i love u all  
> i imagine kirsten as australian but for no reason and it didn't make sense so i didnt put it in. but i mean. i didn't say she ISN'T australian.


	12. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like my writing is slowly getting worse lol sorry   
> i don't really like this chapter myself but i hope u guys do  
> i also restrained myself from talking at length about octopi like i did salamanders. yall are LUCKY there is no way for me to talk about mushrooms. hold me back from my hyperfixations.  
> COMPLETELY unrelated but u know sometimes u see "x- freeform" in tags??? wtf does freeform MEAN i just can't figure it out

 

This time, he wakes up before Grizz does, and finds Grizz curled up perpendicular to him, his head pillowed on Sam’s stomach. Weird, but he knows some people just tend to move around a lot in their sleep. And he’s at least facing Sam and not Sam’s legs, so Sam gets a nice view. Grizz pretty much always looks beautiful, but now, sleeping softly with his messy hair and bathed in the pale sunlight of the early morning, he looks so  _ angelic. _

 

He needs to ask him out soon. Every time he thinks he can do it, the words get stuck, and he thinks  _ okay, I'll do it next time.  _ And the same thing happens "next time." He still doesn't know what he's even going to say. 

 

He wonders idly if Grizz snores. He can't tell. 

 

Wanting to avoid an awkward situation when Grizz wakes up, he carefully rolls him to the side and off of Sam. With his hand on Grizz's chest, he can feel him make some small noise and then turn over away from Sam, thankfully still asleep. Sam brings his own arms back to his own space, leaving Grizz be. Except now he misses the warmth that he had been getting from Grizz being curled around him. It feels like something is missing. This would all be so much easier if they were dating. If Sam could get the balls to ask him out already. 

 

Maybe today, at the aquarium. 

 

Or maybe next time. 

 

***

 

On the bus to the aquarium, he ends up sitting with Becca, and Grizz with Luke. He looks around, seeing that Kelly is with Harry. Which makes sense, considering he is her boyfriend. 

 

_ Remember me now that your new girlfriend isn't around?  _ he signs. 

 

Becca smacks his arm.  _ She has a boyfriend, idiot.  _

 

_ That's your only objection here?  _

 

_ I don't like her like that,  _ she signs forcefully. A little too defensive, really, which tells him everything he needs to know. He drops the subject, and they talk about normal shit like school and gossip for the rest of the ride. 

 

***

 

The aquarium is  _ huge. _

 

He doesn't go out of town often, and there's not much in West Ham that's impressive. Maybe the aquarium is a normal aquarium size. He wouldn't know. It looks awesome regardless. 

 

They split into the same groups again and disperse, except for Allie and her friend Bean, who sneak away from the juniors and join them. Sam thought that Luke might come too, since him and Grizz seem to be on good terms now, but he goes off with the football players instead. Grizz, at least, stays with Sam. 

 

_ Where first?  _ Allie asks.

 

Kelly unfolds a map she must have grabbed on the way in and points to where they are.  _ On this level, there’s a coral reef exhibit, stingrays that you can touch, a “discovery center” with some cool stuff, something called “gallery of the seas,” and penguins.  _

 

_ I wanna touch a stingray,  _ Sam says. 

 

_ Ooh, me too,  _ Allie says. Becca and Cass sign their agreement, Bean and Grizz seem to say something that must have been agreement, because Kelly folds up the map and points to a big sign that says  **STINGRAY BAY** .  _ There we go.  _

 

And grabs Becca’s hand before leading the group in that direction. Sure, that’s how all girls act when they’re friends, but seriously, Kelly should just break up with Harry and get with Becca already. Harry’s a dick anyway. 

 

Stingray Bay does not disappoint; he pets no less than six stingrays, which are very slippery, but not slimy like Sally the salamander. The discovery center is also cool, including gigantic horseshoe crabs, also available for touching. Cassandra requests penguins next. 

 

The penguin exhibit is  _ amazing.  _ There’s little tunnels under the main exhibit so that visitors can crawl in and stick their heads up into plastic bubbles in the middle of the enclosure. Grizz crawls into one of the tunnels, comically large in a space designed for children. 

 

Becca pokes Sam’s shoulder and nods towards Grizz.  _ Go in with him.  _

 

He rolls his eyes but crawls in anyway. Why not? He gets to the bubble part, where Grizz is sitting on his knees and slouching because he’s too tall for it. To be fair, Sam is also too tall for it. It really is made for ten-year-olds. 

 

Grizz smiles at him when he comes in, and points to something in the enclosure behind Sam. He turns to find a curious young penguin waddling by the bubble, cocking half its body sideways in confusion like a puppy. It’s still got some of its fluffy baby feathers. Sam waves at it, which seems to startle it, because it waddles in the other direction, tripping over its own flippers in its hurry. 

 

He laughs and turns back to Grizz, who seems much closer than before, mere inches away. It feels like there’s electricity between them, and he’s struggling to tear his gaze away from Grizz’s olive-green eyes. Why are they so pretty? And why is his hair so perfect in that ridiculous bun? And why does he keep pushing the loose parts behind his ears even though it immediately falls back by his face and  _ why is that endearing?  _

 

Neither of them say anything. The seconds are moving by both very fast and very slow at the same time. Now would be a great time to ask him out, Sam thinks, but it’s like the words are stuck in his throat. 

 

Then Grizz looks away and says they should go back to the group, and the electric current is disrupted. 

 

Maybe next time, next time, next time. 

 

***

 

The best section of the aquarium is the shark lagoon. It’s this super long giant tunnel with walls and ceiling of just  _ ocean. _ It’s probably what Moses felt like. Seeing a giant shark swim over your head is humbling. And watching Grizz stare at all of it in awe makes his heart hurt in a good way, because damn, he’s just  _ so  _ cute and precious. He looks like Rapunzel watching the lanterns. Sam watches him a little too much while he’s busy watching the animals.

 

The second best section of the aquarium is the Ocean Gallery, which isn’t a collection of boring pictures but a really cool section with a lot of octopi and jellyfish. They’re like polar opposites of each other. Sure, they have the same basic shape and many arm-like limbs, but jellyfish are unburdened by consciousness because they have no brains. Meanwhile, octopi know too much. They give off that vibe anyway, but they’ve basically been proven to be creepy levels of smart. Humans, in Sam’s opinion, are not as smart as octopi. But he wishes that he could be a brainless jellyfish that didn’t have to deal with everything. Jellyfish don’t have crushes that look like Rapunzel, do they? 

 

But the main reason that the Ocean Gallery was awesome was just because a “Japanese spider crab,” the same size as Becca and with twelve-foot-long legs, tried to fight her through the glass, but only her. Highlight of the day. 

 

For lunch, the students are set free upon the town of Gatlinburg and told to eat whatever they want, just be back to the aquarium in time. 

 

_ I found a place that sounds good,  _ Allie says, pulling something up on her phone.

 

Bean peers over her shoulder.  _ What is it? _

 

_ Pancakes.  _

 

She makes a face.  _ It’s lunch time.  _ She grabs Allie’s phone and starts scrolling.  _ Tom and Earl’s Back Alley Grill.  _

 

She reads some menu options (mmm, paninis) and everyone agrees to it, so they go trekking through the town to find it. Becca is toting a large stuffed whale that Kelly bought for her at the gift shop. Seriously, though, why aren’t they dating? 

 

Grizz sits next to him at lunch.  _ What was your favorite part? _

 

_ The crab fighting Becca,  _ he lies. Grizz laughs. Saying  _ staring at you staring at sharks  _ doesn’t feel like the right thing to say. 

 

_ I liked the penguin tunnel,  _ Grizz says with a small smile. The penguin tunnel with the lack of personal space, yes. Figures. 

 

***

 

He rides the bus with Becca on the way back, too, though this time there’s a giant whale across their laps. For once, she doesn’t interrogate him about Grizz, since he could just as easily ask her about Kelly. 

 

He’s finally figured out his plan, though. Staring at water all day helps a person think. He knows exactly how he’s going to ask Grizz out so that he doesn’t bail before he asks. Now, he just needs to wait for a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u guys enjoyed, the next chapter won't be what u think it will be and it'll be different from the others, but i think you'll like it! ohhh the suspense.  
> alsooooo, have yall seen the florist au i posted? im gonna make it into a lil series of florist au's for different ships. grizzam is up, im currently writing becca/kelly, kelly/elle is next because someone asked for them and im just gonna combine it with that project. anyone else have a request to be put on the florist au production line?
> 
>  
> 
> anyway kudos comment and subscribe because i feed off validation and love u all. dont let the author starve lol. jk no pressure to comment but i literally think about some comments for weeks because they bring me such joy  
> i love all of u!


	13. Becca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh new POV! how spicy!  
> don't leave me pls, the mic will go back to Grizz next chapter  
> but here's the promised useless lesbians. I feel better about this chapter than the last one, and thank u to all of the kind souls who reassured me last chapter. I love u.

This stuffed whale, who Kelly has named Bubbles, is one of the softest stuffed animals she’s ever felt. That’s the only reason that, by ten at night, she hasn’t let go of it since the aquarium. It’s still cradled under her arm while she and Kelly are playing UNO on the bed. 

 

Kelly flashes an evil grin, checking what she got after Becca hit her with a Draw 4.  “You’re gonna regret that.” 

 

Becca fans her cards out. “I’m still loaded,” she says, putting a blue down. It isn’t true. She has twelve cards, mostly blue, and only one wild card and one reverse. But UNO is a game of psychological manipulation, so what matters is Kelly  _ thinking  _ she has a full deck of Draw 4’s. 

 

Kelly looks unconvinced and drops a wild card. Her psyop is failing. “Green.” 

 

Motherfucker. 

 

Kelly ends up winning the game, taking Becca’s stolen extra PopTart from breakfast as a trophy. “I don’t wanna play anymore,” Becca pouts. Kelly laughs. 

 

Becca gestures with Bubbles. “It’s her first day free from captivity and you bullied her in UNO.”

 

“Bubbles forgives me, I freed her.”

 

“Thanks for that, again,” Becca says, no longer kidding. 

 

Kelly shrugs. “Anything for my new bestie.”  _ Bestie?  _ She’s been elevated to bestie status after like, three days? 

 

“I gotta ask, though,” Becca says. “Did you name her after the Powerpuff girl?”

 

Kelly looks like she’s biting back a smile. “Maybe I did.”

 

What is she so adorable for? “You should be Blossom for Halloween. You’re cute and have red hair and all that.” 

 

Oy fucking vey, did she just tell Kelly she’s cute? She’s preoccupied planning her own funeral, because why is she such a useless bisexual that she can’t even hide a crush for a week, but Kelly seems to have glossed over that part. She gasps and smiles real big.

 

“Oh my God, I can be Blossom and you can be Buttercup.” She looks so freaking excited. Becca is having flashbacks to 5th grade with Sam.  _ I’ll be Hawkeye and you can be Black Widow!  _

 

“The Buzzfeed quiz  _ did  _ say I was Buttercup,” she says, smiling through her mortification.

 

“Exactly, it’s perfect. OH! And Allie is Bubbles!” 

 

“Are you sure you haven’t thought about this before?” she asks, returning the UNO cards to their home. 

 

Kelly shrugs again. “I’ve always kinda wanted to be Blossom, right? But all my friends wanted to do like, slutty nurse or whatever, and you can’t just have  _ one _ Powerpuff girl,” she explains. “Like, I’m not disrespecting them, but you’re more… chill than the girls I usually hang out with. It’s easier to have a real conversation with you, y’know?”

 

God, Becca is blushing so hard right now. “Thanks,” she squeaks. 

 

“We should hang out more,” Kelly says. “After this trip is over.”

 

“Yeah, that’d be great.” It would also be  _ fantastic  _ if her voice would go back to normal and if she could make eye contact with the pretty girl. Why is everything so hard? She squeezes her whale for comfort.

 

Kelly looks skeptical. “You probably think I’m shallow and silly, don’t you?”

 

“What? No.” It’s true, she doesn’t think Kelly is shallow. The past few days have changed her mind. She still doesn’t understand why she’s with Harry of all people, but Kelly is smart and kind and silly in a good way, not what Becca expected at all. 

 

Kelly quirks her eyebrow and purses her lips, still doubtful. 

 

“Okay, I used to think that,” she admits.

 

“But I have since seen the error of my ways and promise to stop judging books by their covers,” she finishes with the pompous voice of a childrens’ show narrator. She could just stop there, end the sentence on a humorous note. But her useless brain hasn’t caught up with her mouth. “Because on the inside those books have PowerPuff Girls and Stranger Things. And funny jokes and sweet gifts.” 

 

She raises Bubbles up as proof, finally managing to shut her mouth. Kelly has a soft smile on her face, her eyes lit up like Christmas lights. Like she really didn’t know that Becca does like to be around her.

 

“You’re cool too, for a nerd, I guess,” she says, dropping the cute smile and flipping her ponytail. She can’t keep that up for long before bursting into giggles that turn into a yawn.

 

“You do better in chem than I do, princess,” she points out. “You sleepy?” 

 

Kelly checks the time. “Oh, eleven-thirty.” She yawns again. “Yeah, we should go to bed."

 

No need to tell her twice. She pulls the covers up to her neck, falling back into the mattress and latching onto her whale like a koala. Kelly giggles, pulled back by Becca yanking the sheets. 

 

"I'll just text Harry real quick and then I'll come sleep," she says. 

 

Becca watches her in silence while she taps her phone. "Why are you with Harry?" 

 

Ah, yeah, that sounds rude. "Just curious," she says, attempting to smooth it over. Kelly doesn't seem offended. 

 

"He's sweet, you know?" 

 

Her disbelief must show on her face despite herself. 

 

Key scrambles for a defense. "Well, he was when we first got together. It hasn't been amazing recently, but everyone's got rough patches?" Like she's asking Becca to justify it to her. Like she's trying to convince herself more than Becca. 

 

"I do like him. We've been together for a year now, I don't want to just throw it away."

 

"Yeah, I get it," Becca says. She doesn't, exactly. But she thinks Kelly needs some reassurance. "But if he isn't making you happy, I mean, it's not like your options are limited."

 

Kelly puts her phone down, an unreadable look on her face. Then a small smile, still just as vague. "I'll keep that in mind," she says, and curls up under the comforter next to Becca. 

 

The scent of her sweet perfume wafts over Becca long after Kelly has fallen asleep, while she's still laying wide awake, regardless of how tired she is. Her little crush is way too obvious. And Kelly is way too straight. 

 

She needs to distract herself. There are other attractive people. She makes herself think about Michael B. Jordan until her eyelids get heavy and she drifts into a dreamless sleep. A dream with Kelly would have been better, but then, real life with Kelly would be better. She can't control either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is Becca totally useless? I think so  
> let me know u what u think! not to beg but comments make my day!  
> subscribe to keep updated ;)))))


	14. Grizz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is pretty short and i took forever (like, a week?) to write it but i have been hecka busy recently so don't hate me please. chapter 15 will be longer and won't take as much time (in theory). this one was always plotted out to be short it just ended up even shorter than i thought
> 
> anyway, a lil announcement: there are officially 100 subscribers to this story! i am Shocked, Astounded, Blown Away by all of the nice reception to this story and i would hug every single one of u if i could

When Grizz stumbles into the common area of the cabin just before six in the morning, he isn’t expecting anyone else to be there. Which is why it startles any remaining sleepiness out of him when Luke, hitherto unnoticed on the couch, says a sudden good morning. He has a mild heart attack. 

 

Luke doubles over in laughter. “Dude, you jumped so hard.”

 

“Shut up, man,” he says, shoving him on his way to the couch, though there's no malice in it. 

 

He laughs again and falls into the seat next to him. “Can’t sleep?”

 

“Something like that.” The truth was that he had been lying awake for two hours, half trying to distract himself from the boy sleeping next to him, half trying to think of a good way to ask him out. In the end, he couldn’t do either. And now he’s out here. 

 

Luke doesn’t say anything to that, and an awkward silence comes between them, both of them fidgeting and looking down at the floor. It used to always be easy conversation between the two of them.

 

Grizz clears his throat. “So, how are you liking the trip so far?”

 

Luke looks up. “It’s uh, it’s good. I finally convinced Helena to go hiking with me,” he says with a grin. “She insists she’ll hate it, but I’m such a joy to be around that she has to love it.” He throws his arms wide, as if to show off his joy-providing self. Grizz snorts. 

 

“That’s great.” 

 

“And what’s going on with you?”

 

He tries not to freeze up. “Nothing, really. Been hanging out with Sam and Becca and Allie.”

 

“They seem nice.”

 

“Yeah, they’re great.”

 

“Especially Sam?” 

 

Seriously, why is Luke psychic? What the hell?

 

“I guess,” Grizz says, carefully not looking up. 

 

Luke leans back, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “You know, me and Helena have been together for nearly a year now, isn’t that wild?”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“I used to be terrified to talk to her,” he laughs. “I’m so glad I got the balls to ask her out, though. She’s so worth it.”

 

Luke is many things, but subtle is not any of those things. “You guys seem great together,” he says, trying not to give anything away. 

 

“Mhm.” He stands up, straightening his shirt. “Imma go get dressed before breakfast, talk to you later,” he says, and claps Grizz on the back before going back to his room.

 

Luke is right, of course. And unexpectedly supportive. He’d never thought of any of them as particularly accepting, but maybe Luke’s good side had just been hidden by the overwhelming bad sides from Clark and Jason. 

 

He needs to ask Sam. He needs to ask Sam. He has to do it. He’s not going to let himself stress about figuring out a script for it anymore, he just needs to do it before he loses his confidence. 

 

He’ll do it by tonight. He’s not going to go to sleep tonight without having an answer, no matter what that answer is. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 15 bout to be f u n in so many ways i've started it and im excited  
> again i thank u all for ur patience i will try to get ahead of it this time


	15. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is fuckin long it's 3200ish words wtf. my actual homework tho? not done.  
> yall are gonna love this one i swear (i think)  
> i also realized i wrote this whole chapter without a singular Bad Word which is impressive imo considering the CONTENT. you'll see ;)  
> pls enjoy :))) im actually pretty proud of this. no i did not proofread it.  
> also there's 100 subscribers to this and that is literally insane to me i might cry

The activity of the day for seniors is something with _lichens_ , that weird fuzzy stuff that grows on trees. Why they need to care about lichens, Sam doesn’t understand, but Kirsten the ranger will probably make it somehow interesting. 

 

Grizz wasn’t in the room when Sam woke up, so he goes to breakfast alone to find him and the girls, first making sure his hair is fixed and giving himself a little pep talk. Today he’s gonna ask out Grizz. He’s not going to get scared, because his plan is foolproof. Which he needs, because he’s an absolute fool.

 

He sees the girls on one side of the group in the clearing, and then sees Grizz with Luke on the other side, and he feels like it’s some sort of test from the universe, like, is he going to choose his best friends or his love interest? That’s ridiculous, of course, since his life isn’t a book, but he remembers how much he hates characters in books that ditch their friends for some hot brooding guy. He always rants about it with Becca. That makes his decision for him, really. He heads over to where Becca and Allie and Cass are gathered, avoiding looking at Grizz, who hasn’t noticed him yet. 

 

 _I don’t even know what a lichen is,_ Becca is saying when he walks up. 

 

 _It’s like, tree mold, I think,_ Allie signs. _I don’t care anymore, today is salamander day for juniors._

 

 _It’s a combination of algae and fungus,_ Cass says, signing half of it before realizing that she doesn’t know the signs for algae and fungus. _They’re like...  friends._

 

Becca spells out the word _symbiotic._ Algae and fungus being friends was cuter. 

 

***

 

Kirsten shows up when they’re done eating their PopTarts and dry cereal. She’s difficult to see around the other students. She looks just barely over 5 feet, and would blend in perfectly in the halls at school despite likely being in her mid-twenties. She finds her place on top of a large tree stump, peering over their heads. 

 

Becca translates for him as Kirsten starts talking rapid-fire about the plan for the day, about how lichen growth can indicate air quality, and how Cass was right about algae and fungus being friends to make lichens. Apparently, many are also edible, can be used to make medicine, and used to be used for dye. And provide homes for bugs, though that doesn’t encourage many of this crowd to be a huge fan of it.

 

Then she starts talking about the different growth forms and the signs of air pollution affecting lichens, and he gets a little bit lost, but he can figure it out when they get started. That’s how most classes are, no difference that it’s in the woods. The details are probably on the worksheet they’ll get.

 

Grizz and Kelly have inched their way over to the group in preparation for being sent off into the woods for lichen-ing. And then Kirsten tells them to split into groups of two, since lichens don’t really need a big audience.  

 

He first looks to Becca, remembering his dedication to not be an annoying YA girl, but Becca nudges him towards Grizz and goes with Kelly. Allie slips away to go with the juniors and Cass goes to find a partner. He feels a little twinge of guilt that they kind of fifth-wheeled her. 

 

But then Grizz smiles at him, fidgeting with the string of his sweatshirt, and it knocks nearly every other thought from his mind. He’s no better than the YA girl. 

 

Grizz leads the way into the woods. By the end of the day, that cutie is gonna be his boyfriend. Or not. But he needs to hold on to the optimistic possibility or he’ll back out. So, Grizz is gonna be his boyfriend by the end of the day. His mental Becca says _hell yeah, he will!_

 

The lichens are slightly cooler now that Kirsten has hit them with the pro-lichen propaganda, especially since he had always thought that stuff was just mold attacking the trees. Then it’s also sad, because some of the poor lichens are discolored from air pollution, which Grizz marks on the worksheet that they were given. 

 

 _I never really paid attention to these before,_ Grizz says. 

 

_Really, nature boy?_

 

Grizz shrugs. _They didn’t seem important. Guess I underestimated them._ He turns to the lichen that they were looking at and apologizes to it. Sam tries to stifle a laugh. 

 

 _Let’s keep going,_ he says. 

 

Grizz writes something down and then nods, trailing behind Sam. He’s not used to leading the way in the woods, so he blindly meanders left until he finds a boulder that’s absolutely covered in healthy-looking lichen. He and Grizz grin at each other like it’s a personal victory, like they’re lichen doctors that performed risky lichen surgery and saved its little lichen-y life. 

 

The word lichen no longer sounds like a word in his head. There are actually very few functioning words in his head, because Grizz’s smile makes him short-circuit. 

 

Grizz examines the rock and scribbles observations on the worksheet while Sam looks around at wherever he’s dragged them to. There’s a patch of dainty purple wildflowers peeking out from a few trees away. 

 

A genius idea hits him.

 

He runs to grab a handful of them, hiding them behind his back. Grizz looks up, confused.

 

 _C’mere,_ Sam says, grinning. Grizz stands up and takes a step closer. 

 

 _What’s that?_ He tries to peer over him to see what he’s holding. Stupid tall people. Like nosy giraffes. 

 

 _Close your eyes._ It might not be a genius idea, but goddamn, it is a cute idea. Grizz scrunches his face up in that adorable way that he does but then does it. Sam pulls the flowers out and arranges them in Grizz’s abnormally soft hair and behind his ears like a purple crown. He looks like a forest prince. More than normal, that is. 

 

 _You can open your eyes now,_ Sam says, and pushes the last flower into Grizz’s palm. He stares at it, twirling it between his fingers for a moment before looking up again. His eyes are so green… and he’s so close…

 

_Sam?_

 

 _Yeah?_ It’s taking all of his self-control not to close the gap between them. This is a thousand times worse than the penguin exhibit. Worse? Better?  

 

He waits for whatever Grizz wants to say, but after a few seconds Grizz just says _nevermind,_ complete with the clumsy sign, and moves back by half a step. Reeling a little from the disappointment of that, Sam realizes with a little pang that he never taught Grizz that one; he must’ve learned it himself. Which would almost make up for the fact that he isn’t kissing him right now, except that that little fact makes Sam want to kiss him that much more. 

 

And then it starts to rain, light drizzle that turns hard and heavy within seconds, accompanied by an echoing clap of thunder. Grizz shoves the worksheet under his shirt to keep it dry, and Sam doesn’t miss him carefully putting the flower in his jacket pocket. 

 

 _We should get back to the cabin,_ Grizz says, holding his arm over his head.

 

Sam nods in agreement and they both go sprinting through the trees in the direction of the clearing, mud slipping under his feet until he gets to the solid grass of the clearing where others are starting to gather. Kirsten is back on her tree stump, holding her jacket over her head. Everyone is looking at her, so she must be saying something, but with the rain and her facing the other way, there’s no way he can figure it out. 

 

The crowd disperses towards the cabins, and Grizz gestures to follow him. They speed back to the cabin and throw themselves in the door, catching their breath while they drip water on the floor like stray dogs. Grizz throws the slightly soggy worksheet on the little coffee table before turning back to Sam. He notes with a bit of satisfaction that most of the flowers are still there.

 

 _Kirsten said it’ll keep this up for a while, and we can just have the rest of the day off until it stops,_ he explains. He’s fidgeting with his hoodie strings again. 

 

 _Great. Well, I’m gonna go change,_ Sam says, gesturing to his clothes. 

 

_Right, yeah. I’ll wait out here and change after._

 

Sam is heading to the bedroom to get his clothes and catches a glimpse of Luke coming out of his own room, giving Sam a wave. He waves back, but Luke has already moved on to Grizz, nodding to his sort-of-flower-crown with an amused look. Grizz shrugs but doesn’t take them out. With a small smile, he goes to change. 

 

***

 

The rain is some sort of blessing, he thinks, as they sit in the bedroom after Grizz changed. It put them together, alone, with nothing educational to do. Maybe God took pity on him. Or Thor. Thor had that whole rainbow bridge thing, after all. 

 

Grizz is curled up in the rocking chair in the corner with the blanket he brought on the bus wrapped around him like a cape, reading a Jane Austen novel. He looks so cozy and adorable, it’s hard to stand it.

 

Sam, meanwhile, is lying on the bed and fiddling around on his phone, trying to gather enough spare bits of courage together to follow through with his tiny plan, much like a kid digs through the couch cushions for quarters in the hopes of being able to get something from the ice cream truck.

 

He automatically scrolls past an Instagram post of a quote over a picture of a forest, and then scrolls back up a few seconds later. _The best time to start was yesterday. The second best time is right now. Follow your dreams! (and me)._

 

He takes a deep breath and does not follow the account, closing Instagram. Opens his texts, and taps on Grizz. Types out the first sentence of his foolproof plan, putting forth the effort to use proper spelling and everything. 

 

_I found another quote from Cicero that I like._

 

And send.

 

Grizz checks his phone, then looks up at Sam, reasonably confused at being texted by someone who is in the same room. Step two.

 

_"If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it.”_

 

Send. And now for the moment of truth. 

 

Grizz stares at the text for what seems to drag on for hours, but in reality is just short of two minutes. Long enough for doubt to creep in. What if he made a mistake and Grizz is straight and he just messed up a perfectly good friendship for nothing? He’s trying to control his breathing in advance. Slow breaths in and out. His heart is hammering against the walls of his chest like a hummingbird held hostage, more desperate than those moths in his stomach when they were in the gardens. 

 

After those painful two minutes, Grizz unwraps himself from his blanket cape and leaves his book in the seat, walking over to perch on the side of the bed next to Sam’s legs. No longer wearing a hoodie with strings, he rubs the end of his sleeve between his fingers.

 

Sam sits up and forces himself to speak. _Do you like that quote?_

 

Grizz doesn’t answer, still fidgeting. Finally, _finally,_ he looks up at Sam, the look in his eyes like a frightened animal. _Can you teach me one more phrase in sign language?_

 

Sam nods. Grizz takes a deep breath.

 

_How do you say ‘kiss me’?_

 

It takes a moment to process that, yeah, he did say that, and then it feels like the stars have aligned. Grizz is staring down at his feet again. Sam leans in and closes the gap between them and oh, this is perfect. There’s no fireworks, just the feeling of Grizz’s soft lips on his own, hesitant but kissing back. 

 

And then Grizz pulls away, eyes wide. Sam looks up, worried, but after a second, Grizz just nods. 

 

With a surge of confidence - _his plan worked -_ he cups Grizz’s face with one hand and twists the other into his hoodie and kisses him again, deeper. Grizz makes a startled little noise that Sam can feel now, but he’s kissing back, he’s kissing Sam, and it’s as amazing as Sam thought it would be and more. 

 

Grizz has his hands on his waist, pulling him closer and kissing him hard scrambling up all the way onto the bed. His lips part and Sam hesitantly runs his tongue across Grizz’s bottom lip, and he’s rewarded with what feels like a little moan. For his first kiss ever, he’s doing pretty good, he thinks. 

 

Grizz gives him a gentle shove, telling him without words to lay down, and soon Grizz is _on top of him_ and _kissing him_ and he’s going to explode. Grizz’s shirt comes up, exposing skin, and Sam grabs on, reveling in the feeling of bare skin. Grizz is running a hand through Sam’s hair in a way that feels better than it has any right to. In the back of his mind, Sam hopes he doesn’t move any lower, because his jeans are uncomfortably tight right now. 

 

Of course, the first thing Grizz does after that thought goes through his head is bring himself down on top of Sam, their bodies flush together. Sam tries to bite back the moan that escapes him into Grizz’s mouth when he realizes it’s not just him, but Grizz grinds down on him again, and he can feel Grizz let out a stifled moan, too. 

 

Then Grizz pushes himself up, panting. _Is this okay?_

 

Sam nods fast and tries to drag Grizz back down, missing the feeling of kissing him, but Grizz stays up, throwing his shirt off on the floor. He's so _hot_. He starts to pull at Sam’s waistband, then pauses, silently asking permission. Sam catches on and fumbles to unbutton his pants. He’s pretty sure Grizz laughs a little, but screw it, he really wants this.

 

Grizz kisses him again before moving to suck on his neck and his collarbone and everything feels so _good_ and it’s like his body is on fire. Grizz’s hands are pulling his jeans down, rubbing at him through his underwear, making him writhe and rut up into Grizz's hand. 

 

Grizz slides down until his face is level with the bulge in Sam's underwear. His breath catches in his throat, and time seems to slow down. Grizz looks up at him. 

 

 _I've never done this before,_ he admits. _Not with a guy._

 

 _Me either,_ Sam says. _With anyone._

 

Grizz's eyes widen, and he slides Sam's underwear down to his knees, cool air hitting him. He feels instantly self-conscious, with Grizz looking him up and down, taking him all in. 

 

And then Grizz's mouth is around him, swirling his tongue, and every thought other than those of what Grizz is doing to him disappears. 

 

Not that he has any basis of comparison, but _God_ , Grizz is really good at this, running his tongue over the most sensitive areas and pumping with his hand what he can't reach with his mouth. Sam realizes with a dizzying rush that Grizz is moaning, somehow enjoying this _that_ much, and with that thought Sam comes in Grizz's mouth, a moan ripping from his throat that hopefully wasn't too loud. Grizz swallows and licks him clean. Sam shudders and relaxes into the bed. 

 

Grizz moves back up over Sam, kissing him gently. The slight disgust of tasting himself on Grizz is overwhelmed by the afterglow and getting to kiss Grizz again. 

 

 _Your turn,_ he says when Grizz pulls back for breath. 

 

 _'M fine,_ Grizz says, reaching a hand into his pants and kissing Sam again. Sam swats his hand away.

 

_Let me?_

 

Grizz looks up through his eyelashes, looking hesitant. _Okay._

 

Sam sits up and gestures for Grizz to turn around, pulling him between his legs, his back to Sam's chest. He reaches down, undoing Grizz’s pants and shoving his underwear down far enough to touch all of him. He's slick with precum and _big_ , and the sight is enough to make Sam half-hard again already. 

 

Lacking experience, he just does what he always does to himself, trusting that it'll work on Grizz too. Grizz leans back into Sam, throwing his head back on his shoulder. 

 

Another genius idea hits. Sam slides his other hand up to Grizz's neck, trying not to tighten his grip. 

 

Grizz eyes him sideways, questioning. _Choking, huh?_

 

 _No!_ Sam sputters. _Trying to feel you moan._

 

Grizz's face is already flushed, but that makes him blush more. _Oh,_ he says. _That's alright._ He leans back again, closing his eyes. 

 

Sam quickens his pace, and as planned, Grizz moans, squeezing his eyes tight, and he can feel it. He wishes he could hear him. 

 

Grizz is saying something he can't make out, looks like he's whispering, like he's praying. 

 

 _You're so good, Grizz, you're so perfect,_ Sam says in his ear. Grizz groans. _Come for me, baby, please._

 

And Grizz tenses against him, spilling over Sam's hand and his own stomach before relaxing in Sam's arms. Sam muzzles into his neck. There's a little blissful smile on Grizz's face.

 

***

 

As it turns out, cuddling with Grizz while naked is nothing short of being in heaven. 

 

 _You know, I was going to try and ask you out today,_ Grizz says. 

 

_Sorry for stealing your thunder._

 

Grizz laughs. _I didn't really have any idea what to say, so it's probably good that you did._

 

Sam props himself up to see Grizz’s face better. _I can't believe you like me._ And it's true. It's absolutely insane. 

 

Grizz makes a face. _I've liked you for years._

 

He… what? Sam's brain feels like a phone dropped in water. 

 

 _Why didn't you ever say anything?_ The concept of Grizz liking him at all, let alone for _years_ , isn't computing. 

 

Grizz shrugs. _Too caught up in pretending to be straight_ , he says with a grin. Then furrows his brows. _I don't really know what to do now._

 

 _We can keep it secret for now,_ Sam says. _If you want._ As much as he wants to flaunt his new amazing cute boyfriend, he’s not going to out him if he doesn’t want to. 

 

Relief washes over Grizz’s face. _Thanks. I swear, I’m not ashamed or anything, I just don’t want to deal with all of that right now._

 

Sam nods, and Grizz keeps talking. _I was planning to come out in college, when I’m not trapped by these people all the time._

 

 _Yeah, I get it,_ Sam assures him. 

 

 _At least I can show you off in college,_ Grizz says with an easy smile that makes his heart do somersaults.

  
_It’ll be great,_ he says. His eyelids are getting heavy, resisting his attempts to keep them open. He gives in and wraps himself tighter around Grizz where he’s laying on the other boy’s chest. Grizz presses a kiss on his head, and he’s asleep soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never want to see the word lichen ever again  
> i HOPE U ENJOYED! pls leave a kudos and comment what u think! and subscribe to see what happens next because when i said this story was long i mean i am literally not halfway done yet. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: as far as a posting schedule, i think i'm going to start trying to post every thursday, so let's hope that i keep up with that!!! please be patient with me and do not try to guilt trip me into posting because! writing is hard! i am in high school and i have a job and a lot of stuff to do in preparation for going back to school very soon. i've never taken longer than like... 9 days to update which is literally not long at all please be kind. i love u all and live to please but i am also a person with things to do. thank u for understanding <3
> 
> flower scene inspired by an idea that @princess_sized gave me so shoutout to her 
> 
> in other news. what did yall think about the smut because i have never written anything remotely smutty in my life


	16. Becca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall thought it was gonna be smooth sailing after that chapter huh. u have been sorely mistaken.  
> IMPORTANT: alright so some warning here. this chapter includes sexual coercion and implied non-con (clearly portrayed as bad), but it cuts off before the actual non-con stuff happens. if you believe you may be triggered or more upset than you would like to be by this then don't subject yourself to it! I will summarize what happened in the ending author's notes of this chapter so that you don't have to read the scene but will still know what happened.

The rain pounds down on the cabin relentlessly for hours, which is fine with Becca. A thunderstorm is perfect weather, in her opinion, and her opinions are facts. It’s a steady lulling sound and a comforting heady scent, and it’s infinitely better than a boring blue sky. 

She's holed up in the bedroom with Kelly and a smuggled-in party sized bag of Cheetos, and with the rain on top of all that, it’s perfect.

Kelly is on Becca’s phone and scrolling through her pictures, which is fun for her, apparently. The worst things that could be in her camera roll are weird memes, so she doesn’t care too much about the privacy invasion. 

“Aw, this is so cute,” she says. She turns the phone towards Becca. It's an old picture of her and Sam from homecoming in 10th grade, going together when neither had a date. Her dress was sparkly and purple, and his suit was too big for his shoulders, but they had the happiest grins. There were a few other pictures with it, silly faces and ridiculous poses.

"Homecoming kinda sucked that year," Becca says, but she can't help smiling at the pictures as Kelly swipes through them. 

"The DJ kept playing songs from like, 2009," Kelly laughs. 

" _Like a G6, like a G6,"_ she sings. 

Kelly laughs again. _"Now I'm feelin' so fly like a G6,"_ she finishes.

Then there's a knock on the door. Not the bedroom, but the cabin's front door. They look at each other. The rain is too heavy for anyone to be here.

When none of the girls in the other rooms have taken any move to check, Kelly slides out of the bed. "I'll see who it is." She leaves the bedroom door barely cracked open behind her. 

"Campbell?" She can hear the confusion in Kelly's voice. Why the fuck is Campbell here? Becca pokes her head out of the room just a bit, and sure enough, Campbell is towering in the doorway, dropping water on the floor. "Why aren't you in your cabin? You're soaking." 

Campbell smiles. "I just needed to talk to someone." His eyes dart up and he sees Becca. Her blood runs cold like it always does when he's around. Campbell has never done anything to her, but she knows how he treats Sam. He always acts charming, but she's well aware that it is an act. 

"There she is," he says, in the way a cheetah might speak of a gazelle, if cheetahs could speak. He's still smiling politely. 

"What do you want?" she says. 

"To talk to you," he repeats, as if they have anything to talk about. In a few steps, he's right in front of her.

She instinctively backs up, except now she's in the bedroom. He steps forward, and Kelly follows them in, concern written all over her face. 

Campbell turns to her. "I'd rather talk with her alone, if you don't mind." It doesn't sound like a suggestion. 

Kelly's eyes search for answers on Becca's face, but she doesn't have any to give. She leaves, and now Becca is alone with Campbell, and she has no idea why. 

She crosses her arms over her chest, tries to make herself look bigger. She doesn't know what she's afraid of, exactly, but something weird is going on. 

"What do you want? Is Sam okay?" Sam being hurt is the only reason she can think Campbell would need to talk to her. 

Campbell laughs, not a comforting sound like Kelly's. "Sam's fine. In fact, I'm sure he's doing great, sharing a bed with that other fag."

"Shut up," she growls. 

He just rolls his eyes. "Touchy. Anyway, I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. I'm sick of being in that cabin full of guys."

"Okay?" 

He steps into her space. "It doesn't have to mean anything," he says. And it dawns on her what he's asking. Her stomach lurches. 

"Just something quick," he murmurs. Goosebumps rise on her arms. Her mind tries to escape, scratching desperately at the bars of this situation she’s stuck in. She remembers biology class last year, learning that goosebumps are a remnant from when humans were covered in hair like gorillas, and it helped them look bigger and scare away predators. She wishes she could do that now, like a dog raising its hackles. 

"No, thanks," she says. She leans back, but he grabs her arm. 

"Come on." 

She tries to twist her arm out, but his grip tightens. "Fuck off," she says, pulling harder. "I'm not interested." 

"If you don't, I'll tell everyone you did anyway," he says, no longer smiling. 

"I don't care, leave." His fingers dig into her skin, to the point that there might be bruises under her sleeve. 

"Sam will never forgive you." 

"That's not true," she says. But there's doubt in the back of her mind. Sleeping with Campbell would be a terrible betrayal, and she knows that Campbell is a good liar. Good enough to pull it off. He could convince Sam. But she can't let herself think about that.  

"You care a lot about my brother," he states. Oh, shit. If he threatens to do something to Sam for this… 

"Please, don't," she grits out. 

"What? Don't tell everyone about him and _Grizz,_ how often they're together recently? Don't _accidentally_ destroy all the stupid comics you gave him? What about the cute little Polaroids of you two he has hanging up?" 

She doesn't answer. She knows how important all of that is to him. Worth more or less than this? She doesn't know and doesn't have the chance to ask.

"Don't _what_ , Becca?" he asks. 

She looks up, but can't force herself to look into his eyes. 

"Fine." 

"What?" 

Deep breaths. Don't panic. "I'll do it. Don't do anything to him or his stuff. I'll do it." 

She feels like she's ripping her throat out with her own hands.

Campbell grins like he wants to rip it out with his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Campbell shows up at Kelly and Becca's cabin. Campbell backs Becca into the bedroom, and says he wants to talk to Becca alone, getting Kelly to leave. Becca doesn't know why he's there. He says that he just wants a quick fuck, basically. She tells him to fuck off and leave, he says he'll tell everyone that she did it anyway if she doesn't agree. When she still doesn't give in, he says Sam won't forgive her if he tells him they slept together, threatens to out Sam and Grizz as a couple (based on his speculation), and/or damage some of Sam's belongings that are important to him. She agrees, chapter ends. 
> 
> sorry guys :( i think in canon campbell is eden's father and i can't imagine that becca would willingly do anything with campbell, so this is an approximation of what might have happened (though this timeline is a bit different obviously).


	17. Kelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been like a month. Here's my excuses:   
> 1) I started school again. I'm 16 and I'm taking 6 college classes. It takes a lot of my time.   
> 2) In addition to school, I still have a job!  
> 3) My boyfriend and I broke up and then got back together (yay!)  
> 4) I'm doing. So many extracurriculars. So many. 
> 
> So basically? I'm busy, and in my rare moments of free time I'm often to drained to write well! I haven't forgotten about this and I'm not abandoning it until it's done, but updates won't be as fast as before, lo siento mucho.

Campbell leaves as quickly as he came, not sparing a second glance at Kelly. She’s been waiting on the couch, fiddling absently with her phone but not focusing on anything. She’s just been worried about Becca. Campbell’s always been a friend of Harry’s, but he’s always given her bad vibes that she couldn’t quite explain. She never likes when he hangs around her and Harry. Harry never listens. 

She waits a few minutes for Becca to come out, to say it was something silly, to make a joke and continue as they were before Campbell came. But she doesn’t come out. 

Patience has never been one of Kelly’s strengths. She can’t resist going to check on her. 

She knocks, waits, nothing. A second time. Nothing. 

“I’m coming in, okay?” she warns through the door, in what she hopes is a comforting voice. She cracks it open.

Becca is curled up at the headboard, wrapped in the sheet, hugging her legs tight to her chest, a hollow look in her eyes. Her hair is disheveled. Her shirt is on but her pants are crumpled on the floor. 

Everything clicks into place in Kelly's mind. Oh,  _ shit.  _ Her feelings about Campbell were right, then. Almost. She didn’t think he was that bad. 

She has no idea what to say, or do. But she can’t just stand here and stare at her. 

She inches closer to the bed and perches on the edge. When Becca doesn't react, she offers her hand, palm-up on the bed. Becca’s eyes drift to it, eyeing it like a dangerous scorpion. After a few seconds, she takes it. Kelly hopes it's some sort of help, at least. If there’s any way of helping this. 

She doesn't know how long they sit in silence, Becca's clammy hand clutching hers. The shadows move across the floor as the clouds part and the sun slips down in the sky. 

She slips her hand out and goes to Becca’s suitcase and finds her some sleep clothes. 

“Do you want to go shower?” She presses the clothes into Becca’s hands. Slowly, she nods. 

“Okay.” Her voice is raw. 

“I’ll wash your clothes,” Kelly offers. “And the sheets.”

Becca still won’t look her in the eye. “Thanks,” she rasps. 

Kelly covers her eyes while Becca leaves to shower, and then gathers up the bedcovers and Becca’s clothes on the floor and set outside the bathroom, and hauls them to the washer on the other side of the cabin. She tries not to think about what happened as she loads the washer and hears the shower turn on. 

She zones out, listening to the spinning of the washer until she hears Becca open the door. She sits on the couch, and Kelly slides in the seat next to her. Becca’s arms are scrubbed red. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks. 

Becca shakes her head and takes a deep breath, putting on a falsely casual front. “Nah, I’m fine, thanks.”

Well, if that’s how she wants to deal with it. “Okay,” she says. She grabs the remote for the common room TV in front of them. “Let’s see what’s on.” 

Becca makes a noise of agreement and leans into her side. Kelly wraps her arm around her shoulders and squeezes. She’ll do anything to help her friend after that. What she wants to do is kill Campbell, but if a hug will help Becca, she’ll settle for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was short yes but not much was supposed to happen in this chapter. next chapter should hopefully be a bit longer (and it's cute not depressing I swear), whenever i get around to writing it. also, i finally got a tumblr! @ekeshet, so hmu. 
> 
> anyway if u enjoy my writing don't forget to hit that kudos and that subscribe! leave a comment if ur feelin feisty today! i love u all thank u


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